The Happiest Place on Earth

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The Happiest Place on Earth…It seems to be all of that.

It makes me wonder why MGM does not make a theme park out of their backlot. Debbie Reynolds is heavily lobbying for this to happen and I love her for that. There is still that chance, cross your fingers, Lot 2 can become a money making theme park.  Universal is doing very well with those pink and white trams in the San Fernando valley.

Jimmy and I climb on board this raft and head over to Tom Sawyers island

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We touch ground on this charted island…I have been called Tom Sawyer often, and I do have my own lake and jungle…mine is named after Tarzan!

We wonder over to the barrel bridge… to cross it…a dozen times. We climb up in the tower of the log fortress that overlooks the lake. Very real looking rifles point out towards the Indians reservation over yonder. We both agree this island may be the last spot we can… kill this doobie. It’s rolled up in my top pocket. Nowhere else will we be able to isolate ourselves.

Just as we are about to spark it, some dam kids climb up. Darn,… so we climb down and enter a cave close by… about half way through, we stop. We discovered a small cut out, since no one else is around, I fire it up… here.

It’s a bomber and we are determined to finish it. Needless to say, the smoke can only go two directions in this narrow tunnel. I realize two people are entering at one end, backlit by the light at the end of the tunnel. Their hats quickly catch my attention then next, their uniforms. These are not tourists as I had hoped…it is the U.S Calvary, in full uniform, complete with a swords on their hips. The only thing missing are their horses.

My instincts tell me to run…but my brain says…Your house is 40 miles away.

I am forced to capitulate to these officers… on Tom Sawyers’ island, no less!

The three men in blue laugh like this is their Cheech and Chong moment. Pot smoke was billowing out each end of my underground lair, like a joint that is lit on both ends.

Jimmy is released amazingly, since I had the joint in my hands. As I begin the long escorted trip out of here I think to myself…these guys don’t realize who they have here, this would be huge capture at MGM…. Oh well, I am going to make another security list.

First, we are get our own charter boat across the water, just me and the men in the fancy blue duds. What waits on the mainland is something else, photo ops. By the hundreds, people from all over this small world want a picture with these calvary gentlemen…and me. Cuffs are not being used in public display so, they hold me tight as we all say…cheese !

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Never in my life have I had more pictures taken of me than this moment!…I now know how Winnie the Pooh must feel.

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It gets worse…these characters show up, (above), creating more of a jammed crowd…

Finally, I turn to all the smiling faces, ranging from every walk of life, and say in my best English… “Backoff…I’m headed to jail you idiots, get out of the way, please”… click, click,…flash…click.

We arrive at Disneylands City Hall and I realize costumes are the key to security here. Two pirates, also security, sit across from each other at a table. One has a loud walkie talkie stuck on a police channel, the other has on…a sword and cuffs. He is also wearing a wire.

Clever!,… I think to myself… undercover Pirate police…whmmm…this is quite the police force…Swords seem the weapon of choice here!

A Tomorrowland land officer walks by dressed like Captain Kirk, he has a laser gun. Different weapons for different criminals…

You can’t trust anyone around here, it appears!

After my interrogation concludes…

Next, I am escorted to the main gate for my official release from the Magic Kingdom. But waiting for me, under the iconic Monorail track is a Anahiem police car. The door is open and I find out there is yet another leg to this journey I’m on today.

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I am quickly stuffed inside the backseat of this police car…just as the Prime Evil World train passes by-stuffed with passengers, staring my way, taking more pictures. Slowly…the Monorail glides quietly overhead…All parties salute!

Next thing you know, I am in jail…I have never been, so this is new. I was in prison, but that was to see my teachers boyfriend. I am told I will remain here until my parents can be reached, me being a minor, this is my new home!

Pick up the phone, anyone please… 

I have been just brought a cell mate who can bilinguliarly cuss…and does so for the next couple of hours. I can see the Matterhorn all lit up from my cell window. It’s dark outside now. I imagine Jimmy riding the bobsled, as we had planned.

Ernesto, is my friend and cellmate now, he is in here for robbing a pharmacy. I am in here for having a roach!

I spend more time with Ernesto today rather than with my pal Jimmy.

Fireworks begin, it’s that late. The show can be seen from my barred window surprisingly good, so there’s a positive…

A negative: I’m still here…”Hello, Please answer the phone!”

The Happiest Place on Earth… is closing.

Finally, I am told, my parents are on their way…Yipee!

As I greet them, we shortly all exit the jail together, as a family…Instead of anger, there is a dead silence. Just three car doors shutting, then the engine starts. I listen to the motor all the way home…no radio, no conversation,… just the purr of a new 1973 Caddy engine and it’s quiet ride...extremely quiet, tonight!

I can’t wait to see how Jimmy’s day went…we got some cathing up to do!

Written and lived by Donnie Norden… 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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