Author: Phantom of the Backlot

This album cover type photo was snapped by Danny Hancock as we recreated a chase that took place requiring us to- jump.

We begin;

Inside this home is another very basic and simple set. A stairway behind the structure takes you upstairs. There is no backing so you can be seen upstairs, it’s a nice place to visit. It lies in the outskirts of New York Street and Tarzan’s Lake. Nestled along side tall, beautiful pine trees. A couple wild walls provide some cover, you can step directly inside here from the backside. Doors only exist in the front for the illusion this is real. Curtains that haven’t completely fallen off still profide cover, if nothing else. The window we jumped from was where we would sit down and relax at under normal conditions. We picked places depending on; Our mood, our plans, and what is taking place on the lot at that moment. Often, our decisions are based off the work taking place here at MGM. Also a big factor is whose on duty in that Bronco.

Most my memories in this area were security issues, which were several terrifying moments I will never forget.

In 1972, my good friend Pat Rich, was shot at by a salt rock gun in front of this home. He branched off away from a group of us being chased thinking he would be safe away from the pack as we were all running to exit, at the closest fence we could climb. The Red Bronco was going wild, we were on the set of Soylent Green, and we all had some green in our possesion when the guard showed up under the theater marquee on 5th avenue. This story of the movie and chase will be in my new book- A Hole in the Fence.

Fast forward, 1975

Pat brings a couple friends visiting from Oregon over for a backlot tour. MGM was heavy duty with security due to a fire earlier in the week on a set just used in the movie Logan’s Run. The Girls School had just burned down, boys call it Boystown. Whatever you wish to call it, it- was a smoldering ruin. As we snuck up on it we see 5 MGM guards. My posse is also 5 guys, 2 of which don’t have a clue of where their actually at. They know it’s a studio is all.

As we peer from the Tarzan jungle, a branch snaps, a flock of birds take off creating a huge ruckus. That attracts security and the next thing you know as dusk sets in, officer Al Black comes flying in to our group and before we know it he’s on our tail and tackles one of Pat’s friends who has only been on the lot with us for ten minutes. He is apprehended as Danny and I take off running towards- then into, the Hunting Lodge.

We laugh are heads off replaying what just happened as we are on pure adrenaline. So much just happened, and we just got here. Well, wouldn’t you know, here comes a dark figure against a dark sky, it’s Al again. He handed over Pats friend to Culver City Police and is hot on our trail again. It’s the moment Butch says to Sundance-Who is this guy?- He’s really good!

We were too loud laughing, we were so pumped up. Al is like a Indian Chief who knows how to track his prey. We shut up when we see his torso outline, he walks in the door just below the window we’re up inside in. We see the top of his sweaty head. He knows we’re up here. We must wait until he gets as close as possible, all the way up the backstairs. As we see the whites of his eyes, it’s time to exit by jumping out that window. We figured, just like Butch Cassidy did in my favorite cowboy movie ever, that your not going make this jump unless you have to…we have too!

We play cat and mouse until we safely exit…

Fast Forward, 1976

King Kong is on the lot and the production company has hired bikers as security. MGM no longer secures the lot, Heathen’s do, on motorbikes. Like a modern episode of the Twillight zone episode Black Leather Jackets.

I’m by myself when I’m spotted just in front of this house. We stare at each other at 50 yards away. They’re planning and suddenly one takes the backroad behind the house while the other one is hauling ass my way. I’ve never been chased by a biker before, this is new. I hide just inside the front door as these bikes circle the Lord House with little Donnie tucked inside. I have no intention of staying here, I counter their moves. I need to get out of here. I need to make it to the designated dirt pile area across the way. They can’t chase me on there bikes in that area. I can see they don’t want me to get to the fence. I have to escape in the lot.

In between circling the home, I get my moment to take off and get to a no ride area. I can out run them on foot. They’re only chance is these bikes, my counter move works to perfection. I crawl through the weeds and hide under a building –The Courthouse on NY street. I’m like a big racoon they’re after, but this coon got away.

When Chips filmed their Phantom scenes here, in 1978, it reminded me of my Phantom real life escapades at this same.

All these stories will show up in a series of books to begin very soon. Also, Steven Bingen will have his latest book on MGM out shortly after mine as it stands now. His tremendous extrapolations on studio history our unparalleled and is must have studio literature. My books will be great companions, if you dare to actually step foot on these lots. Watch what you wish for…

Just – Be careful…As mom always says!

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…

Rated- R; for marijuana use… By the time your day is done, you will have smoked out in many iconic film sets. Films are being made everywhere around me…Last but not least- this is a real life trespass. It’s through those red eyes –we begin;

My diary-Fade in- March 6/1981…The Burbank Studios

My trespassing buddy Jimmy and I need a studio fix. The backlots in Culver City are all gone, so today we’re going mobile, where all the valley studios still stand. We exit the freeway on Barham Blvd and the selection process begins. We first pass Universal on this Friday work day morning. It’s very busy as we slow our volkswagen to a crawl. We decide to keep driving toward The Burbank Studios, whose stages can clearly be seen from the Universal employee parking lot.

We both fixate on our life back in 1975, when on New Years Day we drove around the lot in a Walton picture car. The former Warner Brothers lot is laid out wonderfully, the backlot completely separate from the stages up front.

Today we just want to re-explore this lot and check up on all the sets we have played on over here before. Nostalgia for Jim-Bob and Don-Boy. Ironically, the show The Waltons, is still on the air, this many years later.

We start our trespass from fences by the L.A. river on the studio’s south boundary. A big dog barks the entire time we climb this barb wire fence adjacent to a residential area just outside the studio fences. We’ve been had so to speak, but we finish a successful entrance while ignoring this four legged barking soul. We need to scoot and once inside, we run to the church set in the TBS small town set. This area is busy with set dressing going on.

We work our way around, deciding not to hide, but just act like we work here. Hide in plain site, now that we’re getting older and don’t look like we’re school ditching kids on the prowl anymore. Getting old is a good thing, when your under 21 and hang around adults. We stop inside the bank on Laramie Street, I look up to the roof and the hole that was created by my falling halfway through is fixed. You can no longer see the sky. We celebrate by lighting up one of three joints in my sock. I blow the smoke upwards , towards the roof. I stand where I would have landed had not my camera saved me.

As we head toward the Waltons House, we pass by a building that says Ike Godsey proprietor.. The Dukes of Hazzard are parked outside. Their car is anyway, the Duke boys are nowhere to be found. Just me, Jimmy, and General Lee, framed by Ike’s country store. Having driven a car here before, on the Waltons’ set, we can’t help but look inside this mean orange machine just to see if the keys are inside. Thankfully, they’re not, because driving this car would be the ultimate temptation for Donnie and Jimmy.

Next up, the pond. This small body of water is full today and it sits in a jungle in between Laramie Street and The Waltons House. Any TBS TV series in need of a pond films here. I snuck in here last year during the filming of Flamingo Road and stood next to Morgan Fairchild as Howard Duff pulled to shore in a Hydroplane. The big-fan boats used in the everglades. I appeared from the jungle as a scene was being filmed. This super loud engine is distracting and allows me to position myself with the pick of the litter, Ms. Fairchild herself. It’s then a mishap takes place, this boat flips, dunking Mr. Howard Duff head first into this pond. Although concerned, everyone is laughing their heads off. Especially Morgan!

Jimmy was with me then as we laugh at our previous escapade and as we finish off that first doobie. It’s cool that we are beginning to have a lot of adventures at our new hang outs in the San Fernando Valley, more pages for my diary, which has been on a diet since MGM was torn down.

As we stand in house built on the pond, workers on bikes come tearing through the jungle. All appear to have a post-buzz on from their lunch break, since the time is 12:30. Hot dogging in front of us, one guy crashes into the pond, completely submerged as every one else laughs.

Deja vu, last time I was here, Howard Duff ended up being fished out of here.

Next up in this Hollywood jungle is The Walton Home. Normally, this is where we get in at, but we couldn’t use this entrance this morning.

We climb up into the treehouse, armed with a doobie and a transistor radio. Elvin Bishop is singing “Fooled Around and Fell in Love” as we reach the top for the Walton family treehouse experience. We spark yet another joint as Steely Dan’s song Show Biz Kids comes across the FM dial on KMET.

Jimmy and I are fulfilling our craving for a backlot country club, TBS replaces MGM. TBS is very busy. We sit in a prebuilt professional fort. It’s on TV once a week! A stake bed truck slowly rolls under the jungle canopy and parks right in between the treehouse and the main house. Lighting equipment is getting unloaded. They’re doing a “company move” to this set is what Jimmy and I decipher peering from up above.

We cut the music and snuff out the joint, because we’re stuck up here. We watch as this set gets rigged, cables and boxes and lights get unloaded off the truck bed. We realize the longer we wait, the more chance we will have of being confronted. It would be embarrassing to run into John- Boy, up here. It’s his fort, he can have it. There was a time I had 5 forts between Desilu and MGM. Now we use other people’s, but today, we gladly hand over the keys. It’s for the Waltons to enjoy!

We just don’t want to be seen climbing down, once on the ground we’ll be ok. We pick a time and quickly exit through the chicken coops. We backtrack through the jungle, having avoided everyone and all involved on this series.

Next we filter over to New York Street, and sure enough, we are asked by two ladies what shows are going on here. This is interesting since we’re trespassers. Cordially we reply, “Dukes of Hazzard is over that way,” turning while pointing, “The Waltons is that way, and a big movie titled Blade Runner has its sets on New York Street, over there How’s that? You have a good day ladies!”

We’re getting hungry and we’re close to the main gate on Barham. Bob’s Big Boy is to the right and Universal is the the left. Jimmy and I agree to go to Bob’s first then double-back for more studio adventures at Universal.

It’s here we decide to- just walk out the front gate. Wave good-bye to TBS security, like you will see us again Monday. Walk out the gate like the free men we are. Screw climbing, keep it simple.

“Yes, two Big Boy combos and a couple ice cold Cokes.” We place our order sitting at the counter on the opposite side of the glass, from the oversized statue that welcomed us after our adventure at TBS.

An Aerial shot from the same time period of my uninvited visit

The tree house and shed is just to the right hand side of this photo

Its been lots more than just the Gilmore Girls

Empty pond… Before/after

At the end of this street is the main gate, hang a left you’re at Universal, hang a right your at Bob’s Big Boy.

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…

Beaver TV show fans, the original home is still standing but it’s hidden away, deep in the bowels of the historic Universal backlot. Trams no longer drive past the original one, it’s the closest set to the 101 Hollywood freeway.

The original house has journeyed around this studio lot at three separate locations in its long but not always star-studded history.

It’s a storage shed now on the inside and the fact it’s stuck so far back in this backlot has actually saved its existence. When it becomes in the way of something the studio decides to do going forward, it will be demolished. The old place does not have any more moves left, it sits like an old car on blocks, a shell of its historic self.

The new Leave it to Beaver house was built on the footprint of the original, let’s go over and see the replacement Beaver House built specifically for the feature film Leave it to Beaver.

The tram tour is factual sometimes and yes, when you drive down Colonial Street you will see a really clean, modern replacement. Guides often do not differentiate between the past and present and you may exit your tour thinking you saw Jerry Mathers’ and Tony Dow’s house. But, you didn’t.

What you saw is this replacement-

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…

In its Original location just north of the Gone With The Wind Train Depot. This house was relocated next to the Train Depot in 1963 to make way for “The Greatest Story Ever Told”, Jerusalem sets. If this set wasn’t connected to a TV series that was still in use, they would have just torn it down. It was needed, yet in the way of something that was bigger, budget wise anyway.

Built for the Television Show Guestward, Ho! Here is the original Mayberry R.F.D. house in 1960. Original location before being moved to a deserted spot close by.

In the T.V. Series Kentucky Jones with added front chimney (1964)

Here is the house post-1963 in its new location and slightly remodeled

Mayberry R.F.D. switched lots and this house was built at Warners also. It became most famous for the family that moved in with all those kids...But, this Desilu location saw tons of kids, right here, this was the official backlot party house. Just good clean fun!

Another scene from Mayberry R.F.D., the window on the upstairs left is my fort that lasted for years. Simple boxes left over from Hogan’s Heroes were what we sat on. Some said- Wine. Some said- Explosives. We hung posters on the back wall that framed in our private room. We even had a nice carpet we installed.

Let’s take a tour around here... Located in the hub of the RKO/Desilu backlot, there stood an ordinary house which over time hosted its share of occupants. First, there was Andy and Opie, then Sam and Mike, then the Waltons and lastly me. I was the last tenant of this house. What good times were had – for years. We never worried about guards here, only the German Shepherds that patrolled the lot in the very early 70s. Rounding up trespassers in this wild west ranch was impossible. This was the easiest of all the lots in Culver City to access. There is not even a fence along the La Ballona Creek.

We had 4 forts going in this place at our peak. They were located in Andy Griffith’s house, the Spanish Cantina, The Ranch house from Mayberry R.F.D., where we took over Opie’s, then Mike’s upstairs bedroom and the Saloon.   

The Saloon would become our make-shift casting office. We even had a working rolling phone and used it to call random numbers from all over the country, letting them know we were famous producers calling from Desilu Studios in California. We would often order pizza from our favorite local spot and have it delivered right to the lot!  The phone bill probably red flagged the old rotary phone so our Saloon/office fort was discovered and boarded up. Other than the saloon, these forts stayed active for years. I have those stories in my upcoming book.

The Mayberry R.F.D. farm house was located dead center of this lot. You could walk in the front screen door, or just walk up a flight of stairs behind it. The smell of licorice plants is intoxicating as they sprout behind this façade. Follow a wood stairway upwards takes you to a tiny bedroom set, fit for “four” teenagers. But, the roof could hold another 4 to 6 on a busy night hanging out. It served as an outside the window floor you could sit on and be part of this room.

We would usually have music and party as the moon climbed above the Baldwin Hills and gave us all the light we needed. If this ranch house could talk, what a story it could tell. We were confronted by security out front once-but he was drunk as a skunk. So we let him go, we stayed, what’s he going to do, call the cops? This was during the filming of The Fortune. 

The view out the upstairs windows looks toward the old train depot, the area beneath where we would sit overlooks the scene of civil war soldiers in a triage medical situation in Gone With the Wind. At night, it’s easy to imagine the soldiers lying all around below us. It’s spooky. Behind that, a railroad ridge for Hogan’s Heroes, then finally a big mountain that frames every show ever done here. If you film this backlot, it’s hard for this hilltop not to show up. It’s the elephant in the room, if ever there was one. It’s part of the Baldwin Hills.

Ironically, the Waltons upstairs view also sees a big, similarly shaped mountain which is the backside of the Hollywood sign, in Burbank.

On one trip to the Waltons set at TBS, “The Burbank Studios” we were lucky to find a slightly beaten-up coupe with the key in the ignition. I was 14 and didn’t have a license yet, but when opportunity knocks… Besides my dad let me practice in the driveway a couple times. My first time driving a stick! After getting the hang of shifting gears, I drive my buddies to John Boy’s home. I have the idea to park the car and say good night to this most highly rated television family, but, I’m moving a bit too fast. This iconic house is quickly becoming centered between… the headlights and the hood ornament. And I can’t slow it down! Just at the moment of truth, the car decides to turn itself off like it wants us to leave! Miraculously, we are successfully parallel parked blocking the front patio stairs.

The Waltons made money before, so let’s try our luck again. Another house was built for special grown up Waltons episodes on the Warner Ranch. John Boy gets married was one, who would have guessed that? I will end this piece at what they now call the Gilmore Girls house. They built in the wrong community, the Warner Ranch will soon succumb to bulldozers and be the next backlot Same Old Song and Dance tragedy.

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…

Now showing at the Culver Theater…

Batman- Big Screen, fancy lights…

This big screen version of my hero was must see stuff. My life changed when my Bat cape and mask arrived in the mail. I sucessfully saved 10 zillion Blue Chip Stamps to earn this item. It fit like a glove, I looked cool. I wanted to wear it to school, but the nuns were the only ones allowed in a costume like that!

Next, I put playing cards with clothespins into my bicycle spokes to sound like a souped-up Batmobile bicycle. Then I raced around Desilu in costume looking for my role model. I was always disappointed with Pow! and Zap! during his fight scenes, thinking it ruins his credibility. He was real to me…really cool!

I saw him drive by in the Batmobile with Robin while looking through the chain link fence on Higuera, so I knew then, this is real stuff. His car kicked up a dirt cloud as it sped by, real Bat dust, from a real Batmobile.

Yes, my first crush was with this purple, black and gray adorned crime fighter. I even had him in front of Julie Newmar, barely, and Marlo Thomas. Everything I loved was located on Ince Blvd. There was a Sergeant at MGM that I fancied named Saunders. It depends on whether I want WW2 or just clean up my city. I circled these backlots in my costume, daily. The seed was germinating inside me, so sneaking in was a matter of- not if, but when…

Later in life, I worked on the three Bat features, I was the only guy on set that saw the original Batman in living, real life color.

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…

Come on in…

You could easily hear movies being made, and the wildest ones filmed on this end of the backlot…by my house. Combat blasted me out of my crib and I hit the ground running -at a very young age. I heard every lot 2 episode, every shot fired…ever. The war lasted TEN years, ratings were good. No one did war TV, and movies for that matter, like MGM in the 60’s. The gold bar standard to this day.

The Rat Patrol picked up where Combat left off, followed by Garrison’s Gorillas. Gunfire was the normal around here. In the seventies, chants of natives yelling “Kong Kong” could be heard. And yes, more gunfire. Even more spectacular, was to see these torched lit walls from outside the fences. This film was quite the operation. Of all the thousands of sets I’ve been on, Kong was the most special of all.

But wait… there’s more, Sgt Pepper followed and sweet rock tunes flowed through my window screens. Is that Billy Preston? yeah- thats him!

Earth, Wind & Fire- yep, that’s them.

Peter Frampton, Bee Gees…it’s like I’m backstage at my own home.

Heavy metal describes music, not machine guns, in the seventies….Finally, No More Vietnam War!

Protest music, such as Ten Years After “I’d Love to Change the World” was replaced by Disco. Alvin Lee and Peter Frampton were friends and their music is sensational. T.Y.A. stole Woodstock…

The bands behind the two biggest selling albums of all time are spending the summer on lot 2. Chips, the TV series, begins in this same year and films 3 episodes on my street. Officers Baker and Ponch have sped down this street several times, including the orangutan episode.

The house my dad is crouched with that dog later became our second home. We rented it out to a couple who both worked at MGM on Chips and we had MGM vehicles parked up and down the street, like my home is part of the studio. It was very cool.

I was on set for Hero at Large for the final ever grand explosion on the backlot, when I got home my mom said,” Donnie – did your hear that explosion- it shook the whole house?”

“I was there mom, it was at MGM, it’s a John Ritter movie…the guy in Three’s Company”

Lets just say this house has seen a lot of this studio’s history.

In the picture of my dad with that dog, there is a lot to talk about. Off in the distance are tall eucalyptus trees. To be precise, that’s where Esther Williams pool is located and the site of the fallen tree that created A Hole in The Fence. Yes the same hole my soon to come book is titled after.

You would see Kong’s walls in 1976. In 1976/77 I saw helicopters fly in on one set and hot air balloons exit the other. With Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees inside. Needless to say, this backlot was far from dead and I owned it. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. This lot could never have been busier!

The backlot was the sight of the hit video- Staying Alive, by the Bee Gees.

The top song, on the top lot, sung by the top band in record sales. A seventies Fred Astaire Band Wagon, but with hippies.

Wait, there’s more…As we pull back from lot 2 past my dad’s- 57 Chevy, he has a dog clutched. My father’s name is Don, but the dog is the star. The four legged one is in a TV series, so take a close look at the dog. It’s a star in a series in this 1961 photo. You’re an expert if you can I.D. this dog to its series. I met another K-9 star at that same driveway. Frank Inn stopped by from LAX airport on a trip back from Paris, France. Glen, his assistant called me over to meet Frank and Benji.

This dog is the biggest thing in Hollywood!

It just got off a jet, not just any jet, a Concord SST. Frank jubilantly praised his curly, quick to lick prize, “This little fella just got us a ride back into the USA in that off-set nose cone cockpit of a plane that creates sonic booms.” “The plane ride from New York to L.A. took more time than Paris to NY.” So, the first jet setter I ever met was a dog named Benji. No ego whatsoever…imagine his little face with a scarf and goggles, looking out the window of a rocket ship.

This overall kaleidoscope of time through Donnie’s eyes gives you an idea of all the stories and stuff I have from these films.

Benji was the box office Lassie of the 70’s….

Get Back to where you once belonged!…Billy Preston was lifted by a crane for this scene, he had on a wire harness under that jacket. You could hear the song in my bedroom, so that’s all the invitation we needed. I’m hiding in the bushes for this shot.

This blue tractor-trailer is part of the transportation on Chips. Blue was the fleet colors. On the passenger door you see where the lion logo and MGM are blacked out. We didn’t want MGM on vehicles that are involved in crashes.

My street- episode -MUTE

All this adventure awaited me and my dogs, right outside my backdoor…

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…such fun!

Written and lived by Maureen Miller…

This is Girlstown, not Boystown…

I’m never invited into the lot when there is a group of boys. I want to go today. I can keep up. Donnie starts off by mentioning that there is nothing of interest going on today. But I insist. “Okay”, he agrees, “you can come along with us.” He explains I might be on my own for a while but it’s gonna help us out in the long run. I bring my transistor radio for company. It has a handy wrist strap that really isn’t handy at all. You can’t dangle it from your wrist and climb. I just shove the whole transistor down my tucked in shirt to climb in. Once on the other side, I start fishing it out and man, it’s really down there. I reach and twist and finally get it out. When I look up I notice that all eyes are fixed on me during that maneuver. That was awkward but luckily the group is small today.

At roll call we have Donnie, who acts cool around me when others are present, Danny, who is older and I don’t know very well, and Gerald, who I do know. Gerald has chased me around these neighborhood streets with bad intent for years. But we’re grown up now and it’s time to forgive him for the loogie he landed in my hair. Besides, none of that matters today. THIS IS WAR! I’m so excited to be a part of this troop, I have to resist the impulse to grin from ear to ear and instead maintain a strict game face.

Proudly, I join the huddle to hear the strategy of the day. Donnie plays no favoritism-we are a squad. He calls the play: “There is no “I” in trespass. We need to be a tight knit unit. Maureen, you will gather important Intel at Boystown if you can handle it.”

“Like a Sentry? Of course, I can! I’m ready!” He continues: “I’ll drop her off at Boystown and meet you guys on NY Street in about 5”.  I don’t say out loud what I’m thinking… I don’t need an escort! How humiliating.

As we arrive he barks more orders, I can tell he likes bossing me around. “What we need to know is how many times the Bronco comes around here during this part of the day and who’s driving.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep, if it’s too boring, you can come along another time…”

“No, I’ve got it!” I question whether he is truthful or just trying to ditch me, but I go along and take the task seriously.

“We need some information on a set being built over at New York Street, this could be dangerous, the smaller my posse the better”, he dictates. So much for my illusions of getting picked for active duty on the frontline… The boys are off to explore behind enemy lines while my job is to take notes on security. “White Rook, you’re in charge here. Here’s your share of the rations”, he says as he hands me a Tootsie Pop.

Radio on. I’m reminded not to play too loud. Yes sir! I know the drill. Great! Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 Countdown! They’re only on #35 Dancing Machine-The Jackson Five. Donnie says “you know Stairway to Heaven always wins.” “I know”, I say. “I’ll be back to get you when we’re done with our part.” “Sure thing” I answer and give a salute.

No sense in saving the sucker for later I think as I pop it in my mouth. So, what’s new around here since I’ve been here last… Someone drew hands and a face with a big nose looking over a wall “Kilroy was here” and a “Keep on Truckin” bumper sticker. Nice touches…

Mostly, it’s just gotten dirtier. Empty cans and bottles, wrappers on the floor. This place needs a woman’s touch. #29 Clean Up Woman-Betty Wright. I start by shaking out the old purple drape that’s been here forever. Then, I use it to sweep the dust off the floor and outta here! So much dust. I don’t want to cough or do anything too loud, I arrange the pop bottles around the place since they make for nice knick-knacks. I just brush the wrappers and shell casings to a designated corner. Anything left here is not really trash, it’s like a memory of someone before. Or maybe it’s just trash… But I’m not taking it out. I am here on an Intel Gathering Mission. I’m not the maid!

I hear tires! The noise I’ve been waiting for, I peer out the lookout hole to see if I can see anything. Bronco sighted. Who’s driving… looks like George Barner. #20 The Joker-Steve Miller Band. I duck down, I know he can’t see me through this peep hole but I’m not taking any chances. My heart is racing. I cover my mouth instinctively to not gasp out loud. He doesn’t stop, drives around. I can officially log this in as “once”. OK, heart rate coming down. Coast is clear.

#17 Spiders and Snakes-Jim Stafford. This reminds me, time to do a spider check. I secretly do this every time I come here, but today it is especially important. I hate spiders! I look in all the corners, nooks and crannies. Daddy long legs is okay. He’s like a long-term tenant. Creepy crawly, creepy crawly Boris the Spider I whisper to myself. I notice one very interesting cranny, something is stuffed in it. It looks like Comic Books. Yay! Something to do. They’re really crammed in there. I use the antenna on my radio to dig them out. Got em! What? Playboys? That figures… I am furious, but also curious… First, I notice that they cost around a dollar. You could buy two Mad magazines and two beef jerkys for that price. But I bet they acquired it from someone’s collection kept under their bed or something.

#15 Whatever Gets You Through the Night-John Lennon. I never knew there were jokes and articles and stuff. Hmm… featuring none other than Mamie Van Doren. How fitting. This is Girls Town after all. I remember her in that movie. “It’s not a prison, it’s a nun-run reform school for young women in trouble with the law.” Well, I don’t think even the nuns could straighten her out. She’s too curvy. I know how she made the “Most Wanted” list: big lips, big hips, big bazonkers! Mamma Mia Mamie! #12 Squeeze Box-The Who.

She passed her reform school sentence right here in this facility and heck, the way the guys ditched me I feel like I’ve been committed here too. I got a bum rap I tell ya! High School Confidential and Girls Town, it all happened here. Quite a legacy. I can hear Jerry Lee Lewis singing and banging on his piano “Boppin’ at the High School Hop!

As I soak it all in, I wonder if Mamie would be mad the boys deemed this place Boystown. I don’t think so. After all, they are keeping her spirit alive and well, although hidden in the rafters.

Let’s see, our next incarcerated cover girl is Barbi Benton. Tsk-tsk Barbi, what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? Yep, just me, Mamie and Barbi. We’re just thrill hungry girls who don’t want to know right from wrong.

There is an Interview with Howard Cosell in this issue. Well, if you must tell the wife why you bought a Playboy, Howard Cosell is your alibi. Anyway, if this is all boys think about, it confirms what I’ve thought all along. Boys are disgusting.

I’ve got to put this back exactly as it was. I’m fumbling miserably. I don’t want to get caught with this pirate booty! All the time practicing my best Sgt. Schultz impression “I see nothing! I see nothing!”

#9 Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me-Elton John. I love this song. I lay on the floor and put the radio right next to my ear so as not to make any detectable noise. I almost feel as though I could take a cat nap right here and now. I wonder why he wants to come and get me later. I certainly know my way home from here.  Well, orders are orders. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute…

I come out of my snooze state to the sound of someone coming up the stairs. I quickly wipe the drool from my mouth, shut off the radio and quietly move to hiding position. “Maureen are you still here?”

“Yes!” I hear Donnie and I’m trying my best to pull out of my stupor, I can’t let on that I was asleep on the job. I report “The Bronco came around twice about an hour apart.” (actually, I didn’t hear the Bronco a second time, but he may have come around while I was dozing off and twice sounds way more official)

“Huh? Oh, yeah, the Bronco… Uh, great job. This is useful information.”

Sure, it is, I think to myself… “Did you forget to come get me?”

“Absolutely not!” he looks outraged. “Hey, this place looks nice! Anyways, thanks again. Let’s get you home. It’s already dinner time.

• 

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• 

• 

Written and lived by Maureen Miller…

An impromptu get together at Desilu has just developed. This happened after a series of phone calls with my spiraling network of friends. I’ve captured the imagination of kids who are just realizing what fun trespassing on these backlots-IS!

My old private school pals are being integrated into public schools, a very few rules…lifestyle. My friends encompass several schools now, Culver Jr. High and High School, Venice, Loyola, St. Bernard’s, and St. Augustine’s. I even have several in the U.S.M.C. I’m prepared for anything when need be, but mostly, I enjoy showing newbies around. I love this place, formerly called Desilu Studios.

The phone call I just received was from an old Catholic school boy named Tim. He and I have known each other for many years, and he is in SAG. In fact, he often can be seen on the TV series Happy Days. His SAG family is made up of bit players on several films. When I stop by his house around 5 pm, Tim’s entire house and family comes to life. It feels like all the ambiance of a cheap hotel.

Betty, Tim’s mother, is a hardened veteran of the Screen Actors Guild. She multi-tasks during her roll call segment on the family rotary phone. On one side of her mouth, there’s a Lucky cigarette. On the other side, she holds the phone handle, cradled to her shoulder. She plays out her poker hand in the family card game. I’m watching a pro… she reminds me quite a bit of Popeye the Sailor, with her scruffy voice. On the other end is the Central Casting Hotline. Each family member takes their turn “begging” for work on any film or TV show in need of talent. If you’re lucky, Uncle Carl of Central Casting will stick you in a make-up tent before the sun’s even up.

5 pm is when Hollywood gets ready for 5 am. It’s feeding time for the piranha as the sun sets in the west...Welcome to Showbiz.

Betty’s a winner. She manages to puff smoke while repeating her call time “7 am, Starsky and Hutch, at Venice Beach Pier.” She can’t celebrate fast enough. Her horse, ridden by Willie Shoemaker, crosses the finish line in the eighth race at Hollywood Park. It’s another victory in a lifestyle where money changes hands quickly.

Due to lack of work, many SAG folk need to supplement their income. Sometimes, fine Colombian Gold and Black Primo Hashish take center stage. First, you get high. Then, you wait by the phone. You watch reruns on TV and embellish your last walk on screen performance. It seems like this entire Guild gets high, and what better place to do so than these old Hollywood backlots?

Tonight, a special shipment has arrived, Black Primo Hashish. High School has opened up the vast expanse of experimentation into mind altering drugs, for many of us. So far in my public-school journey, my education involves street smarts and pretty girls. I still dislike math but do enjoy my education no longer being delivered at the end of a 12-inch ruler… I even have a crush on my English teacher.

Tonight, several boys meet up, according to plan, at my fort in the Spanish Cantina. One kid is here on business, and inside his jacket pocket are a handful of aluminum foil wrapped grams. He lays them out like hors d’oeuvres. They are placed on top of a box that says Explosives. This is just a prop ammo box we use as a table inside our upstairs fort… it’s from Hogan’s Heroes.

It’s nighttime on the old backlot and that means it’s pitch dark back here. Our fort only requires us to exit the creek. We then climb a slope like Batman and Robin do in those cheesy scenes. They tug on a rope and talk to cameo stars who open their windows to honor the caped crusaders. It looks like that until we get to the top, which is the backlot property line. Run across a simple dirt road. Cut through a stable full of hay. You’re inside a Cantina style courtyard. An exterior staircase leads you into a space you can occupy. We have decorated it with props we’ve found all around the lot. All forts are a work in progress, we add stuff all the time.

Tonight, this is about the art of the deal, actually several. 7 grams, cut from a dark slab of a wonderful smelling oil-based import. Our ship has arrived! 7 grams for 7 brothers, sounds like a TV show. Yours to be had for a pricey-10 dollars a gram. We begin to take a test drive. A haze quickly envelopes our small, packed upper attic space. Each time the lighter ignites for the next drag-the smoke takes on different shapes. It’s how I imagine a Turkish Opium Den greets you.

Hashish, processed in some far-off village that probably looked a lot like where we are sitting right now. We each pick a country of origin: Turkey, Pakistan, Morocco, or Afghanistan. We laugh because the maps we refer to are triangles for drug shipments. Well, all roads lead to Desilu, tonight anyway.

For most of us inside this fort tonight, this hash sample is our first Hookah party. I stand, because all the seats are taken, and since this is my fort, I am very hospitable. I’m entertaining, that’s what I’m good at. We are here to experience life, in a place that’s vacant and devoid of tribesmen and sheep herders. Like a revolution has cleansed our pitch-dark surroundings.

VROOM-SWISH…Our peace and tranquility have just been violated!

I’m the only one to see it. A police car just flew by, with his lights off. The black and white side panels stand out-even in the dark. Seconds later, an onslaught of vehicles speed by below us. They kick up dust that integrates with our thick clouds of hash smoke. As the second wave of law enforcement arrives, everyone’s attention has been captured. We all nervously observe as to calculate some escape. We quickly realize, this has nothing to do with us, Mayberry has trouble brewing!

Turn up Thin Lizzy…

Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in this town
See me and the boys we don’t like it
So were getting up and going down

Hiding low looking right to left
If you see us coming I think it’s best
To move away do you hear what I say
From under my breath

Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in the town
Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
So don’t you be around

Thin Lizzy moment…

Searchlights scan rooftops and upper windows, moments later, a barrage of gunfire cuts loose…BAM, BAM, BAM, ZIP, ZING, POW, POW…HOLY SHIT!

Some really bad guy must be in here, and bad stuff’s happening all around Mayberry. We feel invincible, we realize it’s someone else being hunted, possibly killed, and we want to watch. We recently experienced huge gun battles on this very street during the movie Capone. This isn’t our first powder keg rodeo. We advance from our fort to the Hogan’s Heroes bridge set. We reach our next observation point. After a small pause, a hail of gunfire resumes. The suspect must still be alive.

That’s great because we are still trying to get close without being hit by friendly fire. Whoever this is, he must be on the rooftops, and is-very bad ass. What did this guy do to deserve all this attention? This is better than any old movie!

This is the view from the roof of the fort we are inside of. Hogan’s Heroes bridge is just off to the left side, surrounded by hills with dry vegetation.

Flashlights beaming in every direction are the only lights we see. We stay in a group rather than break ranks. We complete our crawl to the top of a hill full of dry grass and foxtails. This is as close as we can safely approach this tactical incident. We see in between buildings and around street corners that something is amiss. The police seem to be playing, there is a lack of intensity. They are pretending to be after people, its practice, and the backlot is a firing range. The Mayberry Hotel is not the place to be checked into tonight.

Above: Mayberry Hotel side door entrance…a suspect is in the doorway. This is not the place to be standing, take cover!

We lower our heads and think out loud, “What if we had picked Mayberry instead of Mecca tonight? We could be dead!”

Well, now I’ve seen everything. At first, this was a buzz kill, but now it’s the buzz. We could look like ducks at the shooting gallery if we aren’t careful. Our line of heads could be targets, if spotted. The intensity levels off, both in Mayberry and in our minds. After an hour or so, peace restores itself in the quiet little town called Mayberry.

The police exit as they arrived, as a thundering herd and a cloud of dust. We retrace our steps and go back to our Turkish coffee shop set. We too, get back to business. Our special guest prepares for an exchange of hashish. It is not guns. He realizes the contraband has fallen from his pockets. 7 little foil wrapped goodies are somewhere else on this lot. The night ends, a crescent moon is all that is left above us as we leave our Middle East consulate.

Our friend vows to return tomorrow to search in daylight for his stash. Well, let’s just say, we looked for him. The ground we crawled through last night was some rough terrain. After a valiant salvage operation, we decided to give up. We pay Mayberry a visit with our pockets empty, and to our amazement, shell casings are everywhere. We load those empty pockets with .38 and .45 caliber shells. Spent-red colored shot gun cartridges litter Mayberry’s gutters and sidewalks. We take a deep sniff of each shell as we load our pockets. It’s a smell you inhale and breathe proudly. It is the smell of victory!

Good job officers…last night must have been exciting. You raced your cars, shined your badge, fired your sidearms, and wore your Culver City cap proudly… in the Heart of Screenland.

The kids hiding behind you guys really had a good time too!

Written and lived by…Donnie Norden

Tucked away, almost secretly as only a movie studio can do, is a large passenger ship. Its glory days have long since sailed by. It sits docked in what must seem like an eternity for this old, unseaworthy relic. It may have seen as much history as The Queen Mary, it’s older-that’s for sure.

This ship is actually still waiting on its maiden voyage. Sure, you have seen this being boarded and unloaded in countless films. But unseaworthiness would be an understatement. It’s a false front. Different platforms can stick you in a porthole if need be, but the camera is really only interested in the dock, ramp, and deck. So, no fancy interiors exist inside nor did they ever. Priceless old graffiti greets you as you walk up the gang plank to board. Sir Johnny Mexico 1946 is scribbled on the interior wall.

We have played in this ship for years, as it is an extension of the Giant Toy Chest warehouse that doubles as a ship yard in its spare time. To board the ship from the front, you walk amongst space crafts in need of operators and bygone props.

Monsters, submarines, stage coaches and stuff that had nowhere else to go ends up here. Like some kid’s bedroom with those big oversized toys. The doors are airplane hangar size and can be pushed open or can be closed. These doors are more solid than the ship it conceals.

Gizmos and gadgets, parts of stuff that have been separated from their purpose, exist along port side. Like a movie set retirement home. But I get the feel the props that lay in wait here actually like each other. I imagine, often, they come to life when we leave. Yet-they stop dead when you look twice, making you think to yourself, “did I just see that move?”

Jimmy and I return to these same props all the time, but our adventures change. No two days are ever the same. This is close to the front gate and security always drives by here, but no one knows these props like us. We can escape by land, sea, or air…if need be.

Does the big rocket actually fly- only to return home with secrets? Do the rest of these props in the old warehouse want to chew on and enjoy the space ship’s discoveries, on his latest mission just completed? Did the submarine recover the capsule at sea? All the things needed for a mission are stored right in front of this ocean liner. Maybe a tea party is in order. Giant tea cups and a saucer, are parked along mission control row. Consoles that once lit up may reset their fuses in excitement. Each prop wanting to “outdo” the prop next to it…”Back in my day” type stuff!

Large coffee cups exist for large problems, I suppose. This huge hanger is the largest storage facility in the business. But it has been used to welcome and send off many a movie star.

An A-list of MGM’s best performers set sail here. Gene Kelly in the Black Hand. Wallace Beery and Freddie Bartholomew in The Mighty McGurk, The Marx Brothers are some of my favorites. The Vets Tower stands proudly overlooking it’s lot, like a proud parent or big oversized spaceship that won’t fit inside.

Jimmy and I first discovered this place way back in 1972, we were extremely impressed.

Let’s Go There…

It’s a Saturday, people rushing around doing stuff, simple stuff, each with their own secret care. But Jimmy and I are different. We work hard all week at school in anticipation of these weekend backlot excursions. In other words, we earn this privilege!

This is a play day! As soon as the Combat rerun of the day rolls it’s closing credit, we salute the TV and march with its wonderful theme song in our heads. How could you not be pumped up? Jumping the fence is like jumping back in time. We Time Travel almost daily. It’s 1972, again. The train tracks are a reminder of the reality of having to do things to prepare you for adulthood. But, as we touch down on the dirt that’s called MGM, these thoughts seldom if ever cross our mind. The last thing we think inside here is time going forward, or responsibilities, or expectations. We shed those clothes and put on uniforms from past armies. There is a whole room full of military jackets and helmets, Jimmy goes with clothing so old looking, it probably was in Ben-Hur…the first one. I choose WW2 today. I want to be a Sergeant, named Saunders. Luckily, they have my size.

It’s like we’re in some giant’s closet. We grab only what we need, just like we learned in the Twilight Zone episode with Ernest Truex. That way, the treasure chest will always be there for us. A towering three-story space ship is parked next to the door we exit from. I’m sure this same wardrobe room had spaceman outfits in it, since a bone yard of extra space parts sits around waiting to be reassembled…to something else.

As we board ship, we’re careful what boards we step on. If ever a ship needed life jackets, it’s this one. The interior is no ship at all, just a series of dilapidated platforms to stand on and to look out. Our ship sits in a concrete basin that can be filled with water which creates the appearance this ship can sail. It’s like some mirage, but one you can enter and exit. It’s as if magic built this place, and the magicians, wizards and sorcerers are still hiding here.

We feel welcomed…by what or who we’re not sure. Every prop wants to show off, but it requires an audience that (believes) in magic. Kids usually do, these two kids do, anyways.

Jimmy and I often look at each other, and one of us will turn and say “you gotta believe!” That’s a quote uttered on this lot by a little boy to Bolie Jackson, on our Brownstone street. That episode of the Twilight Zone forever will echo around this entire backlot. This place is loaded with magic, Ya just Gotta Believe!

This ship never needs to sail again, ‘cause this land’s the place I love, and it’s here I wish to stay...

Written and lived by Donnie Norden…