fiction – Phantom of the Backlots

Easter Egg Hunt at MGM

March 27, 2025 Phantom of the Backlot2 Comments

The final scene from MGM’s Easter Parade 1948. I have my own special Easter celebration on MGM Backlot 2.

Easter is when the difference between Catholic School and Public School is most noticeable. The days off don’t line up at all. Catholic kids wait for the resurrection before being cut loose with days off. Public School just calls it “spring break” no morals or scruples, just colored eggs and time-off. We pray- while they play!

But on Easter Sunday…all is forgiven. We all unite as one-under the guise of a good Peter Rabbit story. This is the time east meets west, all roads lead to God.

Jews, Catholics, Muslims, even Atheists, can come together as flowers start their magnificent blooms. Today, God, in his magic, created colored eggs and chocolate bunnies. These are for kids of every age and color to unite in this small, small world. It’s amazing what candy can do…it breaks down fences and barriers.

My Easter lasted three months last year. That’s when Jimmy and I finally finished finding all the eggs. Two stubborn faded hard-boiled guys stayed hidden until around the 4th of July. Their odor and decomposition finally gave them away. They were lodged inside the steel bumper of an old Rambler that my dad has parked in our long driveway…

Odor solved; it was beginning to affect our kitchen table breakfasts. “No mom, I don’t want any eggs today or ever again.” We’ve been living off pancakes for over a month due to the foul effects of rotten eggs.

This year, my mom has encouraged me to do this elsewhere, like Jimmy’s house. She still wants to spend Saturday coloring a couple dozen fresh ones. Mom’s quite the artist. The rule this year is to hide them somewhere else.

I am walking home from Market Basket with 2 dozen eggs in tow. I also have a box full of chocolate marshmallow bunnies. I see Maureen as I turn the corner headed home for the decorating party. She is wearing a new Led Zeppelin t-shirt. We both attended the concert at the Fabulous Forum. However, we were not there together. We excitedly exchange notes: “My seats were terrible” she says, “My seats were great” I brag. “They sounded sloppy drunk” she complains but it was mind-blowing!” we agree. “What ya got there Donnie?”

“Oh yeah, eggs!” then I ask her, “do you want to sneak in MGM and hide these with me?” “You hide a dozen. I will hide a dozen at the same time. There’s no better place for a hard-boiled egg hunt than MGM.”

“Of course, what time?” she chimes. “Bright and early. I have to go to church about 11.” That was the one condition I had to agree to, to get this bag of Easter goodies.”

My mom loves MGM, if she didn’t walk with a crutch, she would come with us, I’m sure…bless her heart. In the spirit of living through her son, she has helped me decorate my eggs. We decorated them after MGM movie stars!

We are talking an Easter Parade of eggs, saluting MGM legends. Fred Astaire, Gene Kelly, Liz Taylor, Frank Sinatra, Ricardo Montalban, Roddy McDowall, Clark Gable, Judy Garland and Laurel and Hardy. MGM’s big hitters made up and ready for their 7am backlot call times.

A Bright Easter Morning – 7am

Maureen greets me on my porch, my parents are still asleep, we sit on the stairs admiring these hard-boiled legends. My mom should work for the MGM Art Department. Fantastic stuff, mom outdid herself on these hard-boiled entertainment legends!

We know these will end up being pulverized, that’s how most our egg hunts terminate, with a Battle Royale.

We load everything in a canvas bag with handles. It’s easy to run with, just in case a whiskered easter villain with a badge interrupts us. TWA has its logo stitched on each flapped side; it fits nicely on my shoulder. I feel like a pilot. Why not? We do have a jumbo jet inside the airplane hangar. It was used in the movie Skyjacked, starring Chuck Heston.

TWA meet MGM as 4 tennis shoes hit the ground at the same time at our Grand Central Train Station. We quickly occupy a seat in the Pullman train cars to get a feel for what’s up on the backlot. I expect zero security, or a courtesy Bronco drive through at best. Maybe the White Rabbit will run by, anything can happen here. We’ll tell him a hookah-smoking caterpillar has given us the call.

The sun enters through the train windows. These windows are caked with dust patterns on the east side compartments. It shines on the eggs we are looking over one last time…Nice, mom made a Louis B. Mayer egg, and it’s gold, with round glasses!

Maureen finds a special egg in her carton… Lassie… mom painted the dog!

We love all of Lassie’s shows. I should have brought my dog Pebbles with us, that’s all that’s missing here. This is like That’s Entertainment- hard boiled!

Ok, here’s the rules…Catholic kids always have to have rules, it’s the law.

“You hide yours here, in these trains…and inside the Grand Station,” as I gesture with my arms. I will go to the cemetery behind the Romeo and Juliet sets. Your hunt will be in the graveyard.”

“Sounds fun …get out of here!” as I am pushed out the side train door back onto the cement platform. “I’ll be back after I hide these guys, you have this entire train station to work with…see you in about 15 minutes!”

Twenty – minutes later, at the depot…

There are five trains at this depot. Each train has its own long aisle with rows of seats. The seats provide hiding places.

I find my first egg, sitting proudly like the head of a movie studio would. It’s the Golden Egg, with Louis B. Mayer on it. It is in between the arm rests separating two reclining seats. His glasses are facing forward, as if he’s ready to have his ticket punched… in the first-class section.

He is the first one to go back inside the egg carton. Maureen is upset I found that one so quickly. She said, “I think he wants out of this dusty train.” He would like to head back to his clean white office as I shut the lid on this mogul.

Peter Lawford has just been located, in an overhead compartment, he is yellow and hidden properly. The initials P.L. are on this egg in case we couldn’t recognize this member of the rat-pack. One of my mom’s heart throbs. This is so fun!

Maureen says there are a few outside also… I climb down the steel steps. I examine the exterior, underneath the carriage, the train’s massive wheels, the couplers, and the air hoses. It feels like a conductor doing his pre-trip inspection. As luck and hinting would have it, Fred Astaire has been spotted on the sprouting grass between the rails. This spot is where he filmed the Band Wagon and the classic song –By Myself.

Astaire… scene from the Band Wagon, but mom has drawn him in his more familiar top hat. (Grand Central Station MGM Backlot #2).

My Easter Egg Hunt location (Grand Central Station MGM Backlot #2).

Free Range Fred Egg

Roddy McDowall is hiding around here I’m told. That hint takes me to the doorway he walked through when we both met him on Planet of the Apes. As I walk through that same door today, his egg appears, it’s on the fence cross brace in plain sight. It says Roddy on one side and is died Purple. That is a perfect color for the Bookworm.

I met Roddy McDowall for my second time on this TV series in 1974. He greeted all the kids who were watching these scenes filmed at Grand Central Station. The series wanted an abandoned look, bringing in cement fragments. The station was used in Young Frankenstein right before this and was very fancy. Both Planet of the Apes and Young Frankenstein were 20th Century Fox renting the MGM backlot. This station would get fixed up nicely for The Fortune, this deterioration is set dressing. This would become fit for a Band Wagon, once again.

The hunt begins here, we climb in where these train tracks enter the backlot.

We’re leaving the Train Station and off to the cemetery! -There is a fence in this picture laying on the ground, white and dented, a car crashed through it. It was a traffic accident, not a stunt. Imagine crashing your car on the backlot. I’d keep driving around, leave out the main gate. The studio added a replacement fence. Funny enough, it was the side of a ship. It had port holes to look into the studio. That’s the story behind this picture. Look closely, the rear of the train has a guard getting out of the Red Bronco. They patrol this area knowing this is our favorite way in.

My partner in today’s story…This picture is from Maureen’s balcony seen here holding her nephew Shad, In the background is Lot 2. Yes, she had balcony MGM seating. We watched filming from her bedroom. So much fun…Notice the fence and you will see two-port holes. That’s the replacement to the fence-the side of a ship. Only in Hollywood…

MGM Lot 2 cemetery in its glory. Site of my original Hole in the Fence. When we entered, we were scared stiff, we crawled in the high grass along these tombstones. This cemetery was moved around to different locations. NY Street used it on Soylent Green. Also, The Phantom of the Backlot used these graves at Tarzan’s Lake. Then Young Frankenstein made a graveyard below the Girls Reform School I still call Boystown. These are Styrofoam. Some are wood.

These gravestones were used in “Young Frankenstein” and seen here in transit.

A picture I took of the location of the Lot 2 cemetery. I’m peeling apart Peter Lawford as we head over to the next set. I’m hungry… it’s always fun when you can eat game pieces. The cemetery relocated for more filming.

We are done on my part of the hunt, next it’s her turn!

An egg hunt in a haunted cemetery…

“OK girl,” I kept it simple; most are in this cemetery but two are at the pool, just sunning themselves.” She scans the field of retired souls, and now slowly walks apprehensively in search of…movie eggs. Cautiously, she touches the tops of the graves, like she’s knocking on a front door. She is warming up to this macabre environment. I bet no kids anywhere are having an Easter Morning quite like this… except maybe in Transylvania.

That’s good because I hid a white egg with Red Slippers on it- inside a coffin. This coffin has weeds growing out of the partially open lid. The egg just rolled under a wad of ancient and current spider webs. We will see if these slippers can be recovered. Otherwise, Boris the Spider is the new owner of these painted on Ruby Red Slippers.

She points to the sarcophagus, looking for some reaffirmation, I blankly stare back, “Open it!”

Knowing she hates spiders -her head turns as if she’s seen a Phantom, perhaps Lon Chaney. He lurked this lot in the silent era after all… Boldly she grabs the Judy egg. “It’s cracked”, she says. Then in one smooth move as I approach her, she throws it at me sidearm.

Bullseye! She’s good… she can turn a double-play, she’s that good. The cracked egg is now pulverized as I tumble backwards alongside someone less fortunate than me. From a horizontal position, I look up at the graves as the dust settles, I slowly lift myself back up. We both bust up, “keep hunting”-as I think-your time will come!

I left this simple. A six-year-old could do it. Most of these hard-boiled movie stars are now recovered, except the two “E’s”…Elvis and Esther. Esther sits balanced on the edge of her own diving board. Skateboards have replaced swimmers nowadays. Maureen examines this blue egg with Esther on it. We agree to let her roll off the diving board. This will be her final plunge. We will leave her in the pool for eternity… Elvis, with your collar and fancy hair, you just stay seated in that metal lawn chair.

We sit next to King’s egg and talk. Just Maureen, me, and an egg painted with hair, glasses, and a collar. We decide to leave him be, “Happy Easter Elvis, if you get hungry, my mom’s having a buffet, around 2-ish”

Written and lived by… Maureen Miller and Donnie Norden

“Now Showing” at a Theater Near You

December 29, 2024 Phantom of the Backlot8 Comments

**5th Avenue-just needs a new billing to regain its former glitz and glamour.**

Through the eyes of Maureen…

Peace, Love and Jamocha Almond Fudge

Today, I will ride cross town on the handlebars of Donnie’s 10-speed. Every kid knows all the back alleys and short cuts in this town, every hill to ride down screaming, “No brakes! No brakes!” and every pothole. He manages to hit every single one and crack up. “Oh sorry, sorry…” This immature humor keeps him entertained at my expense. I endure all this because I want my Thrifty ice cream. Three scoops for 15 cents.

As we pass the Studio Drive-in, they are changing the marquee to advertise the next movie playing. The Fortune. “Hey, I remember that set. I got invited. You had to sneak in,” I recount. “I saw you and Jimmy hiding in the church tower. I flipped you the bird!” I laugh. “I remember it well.” he mutters as he purposely hits another pothole. Watching that guy put the letters up gives me a thought, nay a brilliant idea. I can feel the lightbulb shining over my head. “Hey, we have a marquee… Ouch!” another pothole jolts the idea from my brain…

**This Studio Drive-in screens many films we watched get made on the backlots-it’s like a backlot movie theater.**

We sit outside of Thrifty’s on some kid rides that we are way too big for. We choose the stagecoach as there is room for two. He politely asks, “Should I put my last quarter in and fire this bad boy up?” “No thank you” (I’m too proud to tell him I am already saddle sore from the ride over.) After some vanilla, strawberry and jamocha almond fudge, we head back. Pretty soon the streetlights will come on, my cue to get home.

***The Pony Express, where we eat* *and* *horse around.***

I remember my plan in sewing class, the next day. I tell Ms. Burum I want to make a banner. I want to paint a message on it like, “Go Big Blue.” I ask her what type of material I should buy. “About three yards of 54” vinyl should work well,” she concludes. Bless her heart, she thinks she is helping to boost student pride. She will never know she is an accomplice to a young trespasser’s quest.

It’s a tough choice spending my hard-earned babysitting money on vinyl and I’m not talking about 33rpm vinyl. I guess I can go without Slurpees and Abba-Zabbas for a while.

I know Donnie will buy in to the simple plan. I catch him on his way home from school. I excitedly explain, “We will hang a sign. The sign will display what is, Now Playing on the theater marquee in MGM!” “Sure, no sweat,” he agrees, like it’s a routine request. I’ll bring the material and you get the paint.” “Sure thing!” This leaves me feeling a little dumbfounded. However, I just shrug my shoulders and head home to a mountain of homework. I guess it’s just another day in the lot to him…

We make the sign in Donnie’s backyard. Mrs. Norden peeps her head out now and again. “It’s for a special presentation!” I blurt out. She gives us the fisheye as she sees it drying out on her clothesline. She just goes about her business with a certain non-spoken approval. I love it when Mrs. Norden is home. She makes Donnie offer me refreshments. Tang? Why yes, please. Ice? If it’s no trouble… They have a new-fangled fridge with an ice maker. No more refilling trays in the modern age. His mom makes him offer me some jelly tarts. He is clearly reluctant to give these homemade treats up, so naturally, I generously help myself. Mmm, mmm delicious! I make sure to emphasize my enjoyment of every bite. That’ll show him for riding me over all those potholes I think to myself.

Once the sign is dry, I roll it up, tuck it under my arm and bring it home. Now, we just need a quiet day in MGM. Christmas Day will present just that opportunity.

Merry Christmas Baby

We meet at the laundry room behind my apartment and exchange gifts. St. Christopher’s. Just a secret between us two. We’re not mushy about it. Today, we’ve got an agenda. I’ve got the sign. Donnie carries a long-handled broom and a roll of duct tape. He is wearing a bright red Santa Cap. Even Bronco Bob wouldn’t shoot Santa on Christmas morning…would he?

The North Pole…Theater District

We are armed with stuff we got in our stockings. He is toting a couple of toy paratroopers. I have a pocket full of mini candy canes.

Our antics today are a little naughty but should prove harmless. Our mission: to hang the banner on the marquee to promote what is “Now Showing” at a backlot near you.

We swiftly make our way over to 5th Avenue with sign and broom in tow. The marquee is quite high, so I get up on Donnie’s shoulders. The top left corner of the sign is being lifted by the broomstick. I need to stick it to the marquee. Once that’s done, the rest will be easy. It is heavier than I thought but fairly easy to control. This is complicated by the fact that we are laughing, and Donnie I think is purposely wobbling. “Stand Still!” We’re determined, we’re focused, we’re screwed! We WAY underestimated this. It’s too high! Abort! Abort! I say and nearly tumble to the pavement. Oh well, it was fun getting up on Donnie’s shoulders anyhow.

**The marquee displaying The Band Wagon as seen in The Long, Long Trailer… It looks a lot lower than it really is.**

**The Marquee from the top story of this theater building we named Crow Top. The name applies due to the large number of black birds that roost on this rooftop.**

We’ll have to work from the top like billboard hangers, he says. Genius except for the up high scary part. We climb the stairs to the top of crow top to survey our options. I understand the name now. “Proceed with ‘Caw’- tion” I nervously pun.

It’s because crows congregate on wires that are suspended over the street. They were once used, in conjunction with black tarps, to create the illusion of nighttime in daylight. From the rooftop, you can easily see that this 4-story structure is the hub of the lot. It may have been the hub in the past. As you look down from above, you see four different roads below. They take four separate shapes and lengths.

Wires converge on this roof, like the mast of a pirate ship. The spot where you would climb with a telescope looking for land. Old, rusted metal wires with rings attached spread out like a Spirograph. Donnie starts playing on this roof which overlooks the entire city. “The wires can be balanced like teeter totters,” he says. “Just hold one and stand on the other,” he demonstrates. He offers me a turn. “Thanks anyway Matey!” I impulsively refuse the offer as I regain my sea legs and clear the lump out of my throat.

**Wires connecting more wires traverse like highways above MGM’s New York Street sets.**

These steel cables make like teeter totters and they extend over the streets in every direction.

I remind Donnie we are here on a mission and need to formulate our execution. We stare downwards to our target. Then we both look at each other at exactly the same time and announce, “Santa was here!” To our amazement, we see ladders. They are set up leading from the windows of the 3rd floor to the actual marquee itself.

*Whoever left these ladders were unknowingly aiding and abetting*…

We go back down two floors and climb out the window. We descend the ladder when suddenly my enthusiasm takes a beat. This set was used in many old timely classics. It featured in The Long, Long Trailer with Lucy and Desi. Therefore, the structure itself is vintage, classic MGM too. I am hesitant, so Donnie steps forward “I’ll take it from here.” “He is unnervingly agile, traversing this unbalanced territory. Draping, unrolling and sticking the sign while I clutch my St. Christopher and say a little prayer. Donnie uses the long-handled broom in a downward sweeping motion to make sure the tape adheres all the way down. It’s working so well, like the marquee wants to be recognized again. I will have to give Ms. Burum a thank you card.

Phew! That seemed like it took a really long time and I for one am grateful to go back down. Donnie lingers for a minute to drop his paratroopers into enemy territory, which is really only 5th Avenue.

We stand back in admiration, candy canes hanging from our mouths.

“EAT MY DUST BRONCO BOB!” is prominently displayed on the theater marquee as if it were a premiere feature film starring- us!

Baby It’s Cold Outside

As nighttime brings reflections on the day, I try to imagine the look on the guard’s face. It will be when he sees our Holiday Greeting. I enjoy a satisfied smile. It’s fun having secrets. My lava lamp is hypnotizing me into a dream state, your eyes are like wax… melting wax… you’re getting sleepy… sleepy… when I hear a tap on my window. It’s Donnie. I quietly run out to greet him. He gives a cruelly long laugh at my Elf pajamas. Then, he dangles a sprig of mistletoe over my head. He expects a kiss as the old tradition commands. We reach for each other’s St. Christopher just to see if the other is actually wearing it, and smile. “I just wanted to say good night under the lights.” He is referring to the strands of lights visible from the Vet’s Memorial tower. “They’re beautiful.”

“I have one more gift for you,” he says “hold out your hand.” Wrapped in a napkin is a warm, freshly baked jelly tart. “Mmm…” I purr, as I split the gooey treat to share. “I must have been awfully good this year, Santa. They’re magically delicious.”

Our film advertisement was ripped down in less than 24 hours, most likely by Bob himself!

“My name is”, think quick, “John Orden.”

My Female Side Kick at MGM

December 18, 2024 Phantom of the Backlot8 Comments

Her friends call her Esther…I call her Maureen

Let’s Go Back Jack and Do it Again… There’s those old kids again they never stop climbing fences

Book signing at Sony – If MGM Guards could see us now. They are represented fondly in this book Maureen is holding.

I hear sirens , Hurry up and get this shot!

Huron Avenue, that’s my street, and all the kids who live on it know my new hobby… Trespassing MGM.

My helmets and ammo made a big impression. While playing Combat, I had a belt full of blank ammo shells and a fancy helmet. I had found the helmet in a building in German Village, when we first met.

Her backyard is France …1944. I was at war. While running through the neighbor’s yards, I met this girl while I was shooting other kids. Now, I just tolerate girls mind you. She is different. I think- I kind of fancy her, and her bombed out backyard!

I always thought she would have made a swell boy. Her name is Maureen. The prettiest girl around these parts, I find myself wanting to impress her. I want to show her around MGM, but I am torn. Jimmy and I have an alliance that girls do not belong there. They would slow us down and they scare too easily. Dare I say our first crush is MGM lot 2. I figure she will probably say “No” to trespassing anyway. I casually ask her if she would like to come with me. I offer fair warning: “I guess this is illegal.” She rubbed her hands together and said “Let’s Go.”

Understand, most of the boys are scared. The prettiest girl around is all in. That is, if she can climb.

Well this Saturday morning she strolled down to my house in comfortable pair of running shoes. We walk the tracks on the steel rails themselves, like a tight rope. When we arrive at the barb wire pole behind Grand Central station. I brief her. I fill her in on what to expect. We kick at the gravel alongside the rails. This is where the rubber meets the road, literally. If she climbs this successfully, it’s a good sign we will work out. She is dressed in cutoff jeans and a T shirt, not a whole lot of protective clothing. I am going to get a kick out of this!

” There you are, that’s the climb, I will go first, watch where I grab.” I say

I’m now inside as her pretty little head pops above the fence, followed by her pretty behind. The prettiest climb I have ever seen. Slow-motion, pretty, like a shampoo commercial. She jumps down and looks thrilled. I dampen her enthusiasm by letting her know she needs to do it faster … next time. Silently, I am Frigging impressed.

I first show her the trains. We sit in the plush but filthy seats and talk about things. We avoid sports and the army. We just talk about stuff. There is really nowhere we have to be…any set is cool. Somehow, I am relaxed. This is going well, this girl thing.

I feel brave and we cross the field to a building we named Boystown. We named it after seeing a movie that used it called- Girls Town. Jimmy and I changed it to Boystown, since we’re boys…

We find a bench on the bottom floor. I wanted to bring it up to the top of this building. We can sit and view the Tarzan lake from a nice high vantage point. She helps me get this bench up to the top of this 4-story maze. I couldn’t do it without her so she is already paying off.

She is covered with dust but she even looks prettier filthy. Plus, none of the guys smell this good. The first piece of furniture is in the new Penthouse fort we are building. The Red Bronco has come in, and does the the rounds, below us. We can see the main gate from here, that’s big. We know we are alone when the guard exits that main gate. Not sure when he comes back, but, he is gone now…we are alone.

Jane’s looking pretty good to me right now …up here, not wanted or being chased. She’s is an angle. She glows in this dim room. Sun beams direct themselves on her glittering blonde hair. Her blue eyes are silver. A strong attraction takes over. I release a Tarzan like yell projecting over her towards Tarzan Lake. It is powerful enough for the birds in the forest below to take flight…

I lead her down from this maze of a building. We run across a dirt road holding hands. So Romantic, we our overdressed for this party.

Then, we cross over the lake. on a tiny foot bridge. I have a row boat stashed with a couple of paddles, just above the pond edge in thick bushes. Aah, the perfect way to end this afternoon. We float around listening to a transistor radio playing 93 KHJ…Boss Top Thirty hits.

The Real, Don Steele. Charlie Tuna, Humble Harve and Robert W. Morgan spin classic vinyl on a classic lake. The prettiest girl I know framed by this exterior,

Jethro Tull’s hit song Bungle in the Jungle evokes a journey to the jungle. The lyrics take you across the green pond. You traverse under two bridges. Meanwhile, the sun slowly begins to sink into a blaze of orange blinding light.

This area is secluded and a guard would probably have to leave the vehicle to see us…that rarely happens. We even doze off as we sit low in the boat. Hazy sun reflects through the trees and off the water. The lake is the sky as clouds in the sky duplicate their image on the water, as do our faces. The lake is a giant mirror of its environment. A pair of ducks mingle around us, as does a bull frog. This lake is loaded with crawfish, minnows, and carp but more so than anything else- history!

This is like dream, this legendary place is my new backyard. And, I have a new friend to explore it with. We dock and step off into the jungle that is magical and gigantic. I step on a twig, as it snaps, a thousand birds took off like a Hitchcock movie.

That can work for us. I remind myself of this. If the birds suddenly take off, it’s a signal someone bad may be coming.

The only problem the lake has for us is that it is located in the middle of the lot. This means you have a long run from here to the fence if things go bad. Better off hiding, most likely. I am always thinking ways to keep ahead of my pursuers. Small stuff adds up. I’ll take any advantage I can.

We end our day hungry like typical teenagers, so climb out over an old green wood fence. Maureen is probably the dirtiest kid in town right now. Using lake water to clean up smeared dust and created mud. She looks like a native in war paint. and now she smells like an aquarium. There is just something magnetic about her…

We picked a spot not barbed to exit. Maureen has already earned an advanced climbing badge. I grade kids on my own set of expectations like an Iowa Test at school. swears she will someday pole vault this sharp obstacle.For now…she’s one pretty -pole dancer.

Donnie thinks he so tough…Guys are the biggest chickens! That fence is nothing…

She runs over to her apartment. “Wait till she looks in the mirror. Good-by Jane,” I salute. She looks like she exited a Hollywood Movie.

I thought to myself as I was going to bed…”Girls aren’t so bad after all!”

Maureen and nephew Chad… notice MGM in background…German village and China St.

Leon, you asked for more Maureen, who doesn’t. Try this on for size.

A typical day in the life in our private Disneyland…

Written and lived by Donnie Norden and Maureen Miller…

Romeo and Juliet Revisited

March 23, 2021February 8, 2025 Phantom of the BacklotLeave a comment

Today, for Valentine’s Day Week, I wish to share a story. It is from this timeless classic from my first book, Hole in the Fence.

Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!

First Dance goes to Dad, Ms. Maureen Miller and her father doing the” Hootenanny Hoot“

“My Turn”..10 cents a Dance–thereafter.

How Romantic is this…

I have a wonderful surprise planned for Maureen. Valentine’s Day is coming up…

Under a silvery moon…

I just happened to see the film Romeo and Juliet the other night. It was on a late-night airing. It was right after Rona Barrett signed off on her nightly entertainment updates. I often stay up later than I should if an MGM movie is advertised. When George Cukor is the Director, the film probably has scenes on the MGM backlots. Sure enough, this 1936 classic delivers the goods on the Spanish street.

I instantly recognize sets that I am “in” frequently!

I had no idea they were critical to this film. A balcony, used by Leslie Howard to serenade Ms. Norma Shearer. This section of the lot is a stone’s throw to Maureen’s apartment. I found myself seduced more by the backlot than the story. Still, I managed to follow the simple plot written by this Shakespeare guy!

Valentine’s eve…

I’m going all out tonight. Juliet will never forget this Valentine’s eve. I have two miniature boxes of Whitman’s Samplers so we can compare treats. I also got some candy hearts, the ones with those romantic nomenclatures on them. And a couple of Fortune cookies that were in a bowl on mom’s sink. Finally, outta the fridge is a box of leftover Piece O’Pizza slices, this night is really coming together!

Gotta haves;

Flowers…so, I pick a few multi colored roses from my mom’s garden.

Music… I’m making a cassette of special music from my parent’s album collection.

Mood lighting…a candle will do the trick.

Smooth dialogue… I have been practicing fancy Italian phrases all day.

Wardrobe… I want to look Italian. I’ll need a long sleeve shirt that exposes the chest just like Romeo. Like I’m ready to sword fight at any given moment. A red scarf? Too much? I think not.

I take my final look in the mirror and something is missing, some effect or personal touch…shoe polish! Perfect, we have tons of it. My dad wears polished black shoes to work. I wear it on my face when I play football and army battles on the backlot. But never like the way I have it on now. I now have a mustache with the curly ends no less. I look like a cross between Romeo, a Gondolier and a pizza guy. I think I’m ready.

I slip a rose in a vase for my mom before I leave home. I also add a box of chocolates and a note. Mom, this is for you. With much appreciation for all you do. I’m coming home late tonight most likely, but don’t worry, I’ll be safe. I beat her to the sincere motherly phrase she says every time I leave the house.

It’s decided that Maureen will sneak out of her room. She will meet me right out front here at 2300 hours. Or as kids say… 11 pm!

We start at her balcony, just across from Verona, Italy

From her stairway balcony- these buildings are a stones throw away. The sets from Romeo and Juliet.

The iconic sets from Romeo and Juliet are right behind this red Opal. That’s her sister Barbara’s car, we were too young to drive. All we had to do is cross the street and climb that fence…

Maureen’s brother has a garage band, The Millers are like-The Partridge Family. Her mom is a sheriff, and target full of strategically placed bullet holes greet those lucky enough to get inside. “Enid” reminds me of Angie Dickinson. That how this family rolls…

Romance awaits-I hope

Dong-Dong-Dong;

My princess appears, and whoa! I don’t recognize her at first as she walks out her glass front apartment building doorway. Her hair is in curlers. There are traces of cold cream on her face. I think she tried to wipe it off before our date. Hmm, I think to myself. So, this is how she looks so good in school. She multi-tasks! I realize now how complex it must be to be a young lady. It’s time consuming too! Oh well, that’s probably why they get this day called Valentine’s Day!

I scan downward from the curlers atop her head. I notice the cream on her face and the hideous plaid flannel PJ’s. Most importantly, I see her shoes. Good, she has running shoes, not slippers. She gets that part, our dates involving MGM require good shoes!

We are like animals in the zoo, examining each other. She has perfect circles surrounding each eye, like she had on cucumber sunglasses before I picked her up. We scan each other’s person, each thinking silently a million thoughts. She scans upwards as I scan downwards. Finally, there is mention of my manly mustache and exposed chest. “You look quite dashing Don Juan” she says as she flirts me a smile, “but you better button up. It’s chilly.” Thank goodness, I think, I was getting goosebumps in my effort to impress.

Maureen uses a note technique she has perfected just in case her mom realizes she’s missing. She couldn’t be any closer yet not be home. It’s like she’s sleep walking. We will use that as our excuse in this get-up.

I’ll tell security “She has this sleep disorder problem. I’m just trying to get her out of here.” She would make for a great mug shot in this get up. But then, so would I!

It’s the first time ever on the backlot a pajama’d trespasser is on the loose. She’s like having a female actress just finished with make-up. She waits her turn with wardrobe and costumes. Finally, she is needed on the set. The set tonight features the actual balconies. These were used by all the actors in the 1936 version of Romeo and Juliet. I wonder what Romeo would have done if Juliet appeared on the balcony this way…

He may have turned around and climbed up another balcony…

Puffy clouds cross in front of the moon’s big bright face as we arrive in Verona Square. It’s a place of romance both past and present.

A land of steeples, stairways and balconies…

I stop Maureen at the base of some mortar stairs, they are centrally located in this square. I ask her to sit on this ramp I’m preparing by wiping off all the eucalyptus acorns and fallen leaves. Like a waiter preparing a table for two. I hand her a rose that was quenched sideways in my mouth and stick it in her P.J top pocket. Next, it’s all on me. I go up the wooden stairway inside. I open the balcony doors above her. In my best Capella, I start to chant romantic forget me-nots. It is in Italian no less.

I don’t speak Italian normally but tonight- I am doing my best.

“Sei sempre nel miocuore” I start, having rehearsed this line throughout the day. Fortunately, I took drama at St. Augustine’s and have been in several plays, so I’m a bit of a Ham! After a prolonged silence from Maureen, I decide to follow up with the translation. I hope to ignite a spark in my actress. You will always be in my heart! – there it is in boring old English.

Good that worked. I hear the thump of her feet running up the stairs. She pushes open the rickety glass doors to join me on this balcony under the star studded moonlight. She kisses me pretty damn hard. Curlers and all, ah heck, she’s hot anyway. I press play on the cassette player. Dean Martin captures the mood this Valentine’s night…

We hear that “click.” It tells us it’s time to flip the cassette over. I notice she now has a shoe polish mustache too. And a couple of her curlers have gone rogue. That’s Amore!

I’m not sure when the last serenade played out here. I doubt it was as the clock struck midnight February 14. Luckily, security has been elsewhere. I feel mood lighting is safe since this is secluded. I light a candle that illuminates what the moonlight reflecting off the window panes does not.

At first, just the comfortable airplane seats become obvious as our eyes try to find tangible objects. These first-class seats were put up here by someone other than me. I know they are from the airplane room, which is a country mile from here. I’m impressed by all the effort it had to take getting these seats up here.

This is a perfect spot to recline, buttons on each side of a seat arm- adjust the recline. A heavily used ash tray sits top side for nervous flying folks. We’re three stories high in an Italian Village as we pretend we just boarded a Pan Am 747. Candy, flowers, pizza and music fill out the rest of this balcony scene.

“It feels so forbidden to sneak away in the middle of the night. It feels like when Romeo visited Juliet on her balcony.” Maureen speaks to me with a tone that is both bewitching and captivating. She says, “I’ve had my eye on you from across the street since we were six years old. I always knew I would make you mine.” “Me too, I confess.” We are consumed in the moment as we hold hands and stare upwards…star gazing.

The only thing missing is a glass slipper, we both have school tomorrow so our night ends sooner than later. We extinguish the candle, then disembark from the airline seats inside the balcony set. It takes two minutes to deliver her back to her unread “I’ll be back soon note” to mom. One of our Fortune Cookies promised us this tid-bit “Fun and excitement awaits you” No truer fortune cookie ever existed!