As I return home from school, I instinctively turn on our color TV set. It’s a little after 3 pm, and I was planning on visiting my backlot to get an idea of what I missed today. I quickly turn channels, Gilligan’s Island reruns are on, Match Game with Gene Rayburn is an option, and Tattletales hosted by Burt Convy, all adequate alternatives to homework. But-“stop that dial~” oh my- as my eyes bulge out, normally I like Mike Douglas, mind you he’s no Johnny Carson, but what he is –is on the backlot at MGM!
He’s broadcasting live from the set of Sgt. Pepper.
Mike is interviewing the cast. The Bee Gees and Peter Frampton are sitting in folding cast chairs close by the lake in between two nicely remodeled cottages. I holler to my mom working in the kitchen to “Get in here… You have to see this! This is the set I’m always on at MGM.” as she hastily arrives in our shag carpeted living room.
I brainstorm as she sits in awe, “Mom, see that door they’re sitting in front of? Well, keep your eyes fixed on that doorway. I’m going to run over there now and I will exit through that door right behind where Barry Gibb and Peter are sitting… I’ll wave at ya!”
Not needing a response and with time being of the essence, I’m out the front door before her famous “Be careful” can be uttered. I make like a flash running full speed down two side streets and a short jaunt over train tracks. Within a few minutes position myself by entering through the back door of those very same cottages being presented on television and posture myself next to the front exit. The camera is focused on this area as Mike interviews Peter. This is a working movie set so work is going on all around, no need to hide.
I listen to Peter talk about almost being electrocuted on stage. “I got the famous Blue Flash and was knocked flying, it’s not that unusual” he carries on for Mike. “Only takes one bad ground, after that I learned to touch the microphone with the back of my hand, not to grab it!” “Fascinating stuff Peter,” I think to myself, like I’m the host of this National NBC afternoon talk show.
Heartland U.S.A –Prior to Mr. Mustard take over
Fearing a commercial cut is coming, ” Out the front door, I appear, waving toward Mike Douglas behind the band members – nonchalantly, with my own long hair flowing, like I own the place.
After watching some of this interview, I exit the front door with a subtle wave to “Mum.”
Out of this door and into my TV set…I appear!
I exit the front door – waving to my mother, not Mike as Peter wraps up his interview and is about to be replaced in the folding chair by Frankie Howard- mission accomplished. I run even faster homewards, skipping and gliding, now I just hope she saw me. I run in the front door of our home- this entire event back and forth took twenty minutes at the most. “Did you see me?” I ask, as I catch my breath – her mouth flaps- but without words, just expressions. Finally she spits something out. “Yes I saw you exit the door and wave… How do you get away with this?”‘ she asks in embarrassment yet amazement with her head stuck tilted like the illusion just became more tangible.
“Seems natural to me, I’ve been doing this so long.” I proudly calm down as Mike starts interviewing Frankie Howard on TV- on a set I was a part of just moments ago.
That’s a first, live backlot television, I would like to thank all the backlot spirits for making my T.V. appearance possible.
Written and Lived by …Donnie Norden
Phantom of the Backlots 