The Time Has Come Today….Tic, Toc, Tic, Toc…
An MGM security guard has befriended me. His name is Al Marioenzi. He could double for the cop below. Probably speaks like him, too…
I oughta teach ya’a lesson… all-a-yas! But despite his no nonsense look, he’s got a soft side. I first heard about him from Gerald, my pal. He says he is very friendly… says he even gives kids rides in the famous Red Bronco. I can’t help but remain a little skeptical, but I’d rather be inside the Bronco than running from it.
Al is a veteran security guard, loaded with cool stories from his 30 years of badge work. He normally works the main gate at Lot 1: The same gate that the legendary MGM guard Ken Hollywood usually posts at. But lately, they’ve been assigning him to the MGM backlot.
Tonight, our paths cross at this legendary spot, the main gate. His friendly demeanor seeps out from behind the badge and blues, the way the aroma of my mom’s freshly baked cookies escapes all her efforts to pack them up well, inside my lunch pail… beckoning me to eat them long before lunchtime. He buckles his mouth into a half smile when I ask him if it’s fun to work here. He proudly shares his stories and jokes that his own family is bored with them. I enjoy his Italian accent and feel cozy and comfortable in his company, as if he would be my grandpa. I’m beyond thrilled when he invites me inside for a private MGM tour. But, he says emphatically, he can’t be seen with me by the other guards, who know me as “Public Enemy Number 1.”
So, he says he will drive around and pick me up inside the backlot, right across from Maureen’s apartment. I climb into the lot, then meet Al at our designated spot. I can’t believe I’m breaking in right in front of the guard! Allowable trespassing!
I see him drive up in the Bronco and we eye each other conspiratorially. Then he motions for me to hop in quickly. The tour begins. He asks if I want to get Maureen and bring her with us. I say No, she’s busy.… with a huffy breath. This is my moment.
I’m sitting shot gun in a vehicle that shoots. A guard is giving me secret history lessons. For each set, he’s got various stories and tidbits about its past… I’ve died and gone to heaven, I keep saying to myself.
“Over here is where the Time Machine filmed,” he says, as he pulls into Copperfield Court.
We pull to a stop under the archway that leads you into New York Street, as I ask this 30 year veteran security guard what it was like with Combat here, at MGM. Al replies “the show was a lot of fun to be around… I became friends with Shecky Green from a Combat episode.”
I hate that episode, I think to myself, and come to think of it… Al looks a bit like Shecky Green.
He changes the subject and points to a window…
He points to the exact window that was the center of the time travel experience, right as the mannequins’ clothing, along with everything else, rapidly changed.
I keep thinking to myself how cool this guy is. My eyes must be bulging out as I point to the “Airplane Room,” as we call it, while announcing that the Time Machine from Twilight Zone is being stored in there. As if he doesn’t already know.
Large airplane parts, including cock pits and plane fuselages, all gather dust, while waiting for another show call.
He smiles as he says, “Rod Serling was always walking around back here… he is a great guy and very funny, too.”
“I saw both of these Time Machines, each used in different films,” he added.
“Lucky Guy… I want your job when I get older!”
“I know you and your friends love this place. I’m always good for a tour. I gave your girlfriend one, by the way”… he reminds me.
“I heard… you’re not the first guard to do that.” She can run like a fox and get over a fence in three seconds… she doesn’t need your help!” I kid.
“Ron Smith gives pretty girls tours also, but he can’t be seen with me, either,” I say, adding… “if I sneak in without asking him, he is all about the chase, and he’s scary. A big man with a big gun and a huge swagger to go with it. Maureen is the only reason he warmed up to me.”
My ex-trophy trespasser girl friend. She now goes to the studio drive-in movies in A CAR … Jimmy’s car, no less! I process thoughts silently, as I keep smiling and carrying on, like nothing bothers me.
Back to reality… “so I’m a security risk. Well, I’m flattered.” “Yeah, you are, that’s why I picked you up inside the lot. Coleman and Barner would have a fit if they saw this!”
“I figured. Well, I won’t blow your cover.” I hold my wrists together in front of his face, “we can pretend you just cuffed me, if either goofball shows up on a golf cart.” We laugh, as I adjust to being able to relax, while spinning stories, in the Red Bronco.
“The arch above us had lava spool down this street.” Al points out another tidbit. Then I add, “you know what happened here a couple weeks ago right?” He seems uncertain as I continue.
“My friends and I were inside this arch playing in its hidden passageways.” There is a long narrow, gang plank that connects one side of the arch to the opposite side of the street. It’s like being in a Pirate ship and walking the plank, only it’s like a secret world, like the secret underground tunnels in Paris.
I continue, “I was with about five other guys and we were playing around in there. Pat slipped off the plank and his leg plunged through the old plaster at the top of the arch, creating huge hole! And then it got stuck there! We were all cracking up so hard, that he almost fell all the way through.”
“I was in front of him as we were all crossing the plank together; When I heard the commotion, I turned around and tried to help, but with some careful maneuvering he managed to pull his leg out of the hole. Then, right at that exact moment, through that very hole that Pat had just created, I saw the Fire Captain Fernald drive by, right underneath us, with the window down in his Fire Chief’s Ford Falcon… with a siren on top.”
I can tell Al seems to be enjoying the story. Half of his mouth is lifted into that characteristic half smile that he does, and he lets out a chuckle at all the good parts. It’s as if, through us, he’s living out his own love of hooligan adventures, which have been snuffed out due to his being a guard an’ all. I reckon there’s a thin line between a racketeer and the long arm of the law. Life seems to be like that… just like how they say there’s a thin line between love and hate. Yeah, I can tell he’s secretly rooting for us!
So, with his attention all on me, I continue the archway adventure… “I’m leading this expedition, they trust me… So, I yell out to the others… ‘Party’s over! Let’s get out of here! The chief has heard us for sure, and he probably saw Pat’s leg hanging down through the hole… we’re leaving, NOW!”
“It seemed like forever, waiting for Pat to get his bearings again and shake off the fall. But as we finally exited the arch, I explained to the others, as if they were in my charge… ‘he is probably coming back with George! We had enough fun for today. After all, we’re already primed for breaking and entering, the last thing we need is to get slapped with damaging property.'”
I wrap up the story for Al, with extra animation, so he would feel like he was there, “Just as our tennis shoes touched down to safety, a loud plane was flying by overhead, camouflaging our noise. A little bit of stumbling, a bit crooked, but no worse for the wear. But most importantly, we were all safe.”
“Then, we walk away like nothing in the world is going’ on. Just a group of filthy, dusty teenagers out for a walk. As reach Arizona street, we joke that Combat is on at Noon, right after Soul Train… Let’s watch it when we get back to my house!“
“Then, just as we get to the corner of Arizona and Elenda, still joking around and feeling relaxed and easygoing, a Culver City Police car pulls up right beside us. I know my heart skipped a beat and I’m sure the others were jerked into reality. But we all kept a poker face.
“We’re looking for a group of MGM trespassers… would you guys happen to be them?”… as they snicker and watch our reactions.
“Everyone is amazingly silent, so I take it upon myself to explain. After quickly realizing that lying won’t work, as we fit the description right down to the slivers and dirt, I offer a simple but vague retort, ‘not sure what you’re referring to.'”
They interrogated us with a million stupid and irrelevant questions, like where we go to school and how long we’ve lived in the neighborhood, and then they made us fill out some information cards. I’m sure the point was just to hassle us. Then, they gave us a “stern warning” to “stay out of that lot!” And just to make sure we understood, they barked at us some more… “We’re gonna turn over this info in to MGM security, so you better get going… NOW!”
Oh… we sure will, since a Combat rerun is about to start!
Al had not heard that I was caught for the second time. Barner was the first, and now CCPD. Fernald gets the credit for the capture on the MGM trespass list, I would later find out.
Al gets a good laugh out of that capture story…
Well Al… thanks for this guided tour back through time, in a place that owns two Time Machines!
The Arch connects buildings 465 to 462 on the map above…
These Time Machines can even go back to any dates… such as Feb 2, 1949… I have had some real good times in the Twilight Zone Time Machine. It is stored inside a hanger on the backlot, hidden away. It’s perfectly located to play in...
Written and lived by Donnie Norden
Edited by DQ
Phantom of the Backlots 