The 23rd Century

This story is in my Book Two-“The Uninvited Visitor”

A very special moment on the set of ...King Kong

All activity on the lot indicates to me Kong is close to ready. However, sneaking in Lot 1 is dangerous. The MGM guards all know me. They know I don’t belong on this set or lot…Period!

However, I need to see where we’re at, like some producer kid. It’s time to pay Little Italy a visit. But first, I’m getting a couple of donuts, one orange iced, the other, a Kong cream pie. It’s a specialty donut, in honor of the Great Ape, being dressed just across the street. This donut shop, as is this city itself, is all things Kong.

It’s across this street I’m headed next. I have my little bag of delights. I need to climb a fence. A billboard of Logan’s Run proudly displays itself there. Poor Farrah. She is getting shoe marks all over her face. Her skimpy outfit is marked too on her section of this advertisement board. It’s the only spot I can get over at… sorry Farrah!

First, I hold my breath and close my eyes. Then, I toss this tiny donut package over the sign. I hope it floats softly like a balloon, limiting damage.

I’m next. After grabbing one hand hold, my tennis shoes slip and slide. They glide like a cartoon on this extra-large movie poster. My right hand barely clasps the top of the fence. My momentum buys me the extra inches to pull myself up to the top. Then I go over, reuniting with my tiny bag of donuts. I may have just landed in the 23rd Century.

Kong is getting the star treatment and looks like an actor getting finishing touches before hitting the set.

The fabricated tree area has been switched to a rubber hose forest. Miles of hoses or tubes have been cut. They fit inside this massive, formidable 40 ft object. It has been hibernating here for months. He would be just a rubber doll without these arteries for oil to activate all his digits and facial expressions.

Activity is taking place around me at a mesmerizing pace…I find myself in between pit covers, artificial trees, and pallets of rubber hoses towering above me. I appear like Johnny Quest, with donuts!

A long black Mercedes-Benz wheels onto the set. It sends up a cloud of dust as it suddenly stops. I realize the attention all shifts to a dapper man, dressed in attire fit for a producer. I lick orange frosting off my fingers. I stand behind some artificial trees to get a better view of this person of interest. This is him, I think to myself, it’s Dino…

Everybody stares at the car, waiting for the great man, the producer, to emerge. Even King Kong stares, impassive, his giant ape face frozen 40 feet above the car. After a couple of seconds, the producer, Dino De Laurentiis, bounces out of the car. There is no doubt that he does this for dramatic effect. He flounces with energy. He pays absolutely no attention to the rest of us on the set – about 50 people. Looking up, he locks eyes with King Kong. He is here to see the giant monkey. De Laurentiis doesn’t even glance at the maybe three dozen special effects people who are swarming over Kong. Several of them take up positions at big instrument consoles. Each console has a series of levers that control hydraulic valves within Kong.

Slowly, gradually, I hear the hum of electricity. Then the whoosh of valves. Kong is coming to life… Maybe. Dino De Laurentiis has come to see the beast move. And it better move and move well. The Hollywood Press has been hinting at problems with the giant hairy star of the movie. Rumors suggest that the whole movie is at risk. And that is no small risk. It’s 1976. The $30 million budget for King Kong makes it the most expensive film in history at this point. Many people in Los Angeles think De Laurentiis’ remake of the 1933 classic starring Fay Wray is a folly. They believe this because the original is such an iconic movie. Additionally, they think no movie should cost $30 million and depend so much on unproven, untried special effects.

Giant jungle robots, indeed. Many movie insiders in ultra-competitive Hollywood are happy. They take not-so-secret delight at the prospect of seeing De Laurentiis fall flat on his face. He is the flamboyant Italian interloper. De Laurentiis is moving to the United States. He had a career in Italy. His work focused on spaghetti Westerns and niche films like Barbarella. He also worked on derivative, knockoff spy and gangster movies. Some people think De Laurentiis is too big for his riding britches. Remaking King Kong could be his Icarus moment. It is the moment when he flies too close to the Hollywood sun.

De Laurentiis is looking less than cocky at this moment. He looks worried, his eyes never straying from Kong’s as he stands a few feet from his car, waiting. I’m enthralled, this is a very big moment in this film. He doesn’t speak. He doesn’t need to. Men scramble, levers are pulled, hums and wheezes and whooshes get louder. Is the big ape going to come alive for the big cheese?

Kong’s ears wiggle. There is a murmur on the set, but nobody shouts or cheers. Nobody says anything. Everyone is concentrating so much on the big robot that I can step out of my hiding place. I just turned 16. I am not supposed to be anywhere on this studio lot. I definitely should not be here on the tightly closed, high-security set of the biggest movie ever. This is happening during a critical special effects test. I am about half a football field away from De Laurentiis. I am next to the jungle scenery that has been my hiding place.

Kong blinks, slowly. This is promising. But the robot needs the capability to make much more complicated movements with its arms and legs. He must look real – and huge, and menacing – on the screen. If Kong moves like a robot, the movie will be not only a flop, but a laughingstock.

Slowly, Kong’s left arm rises, a little. He blinks again. His head turns left. His head turns right. His partially raised left hand is in a fist. Slowly, the ape’s massive fingers, the size of a real Gorilla’s legs, start to unfurl. I sneak a quick glance over at the Mercedes, and De Laurentiis is starting to smile.

Kong raises his left hand higher, so his hand is chest high, palm toward his chest. I suppose if you know how a 40-foot gorilla would move, the robot’s movements look pretty natural. Kong extends all four fingers and his thumb, so his palm is facing his chest. Amid more wheezes and whooshes and buzzes, slowly Kong folds his thumb in. Then his pointer finger, ring finger, and little finger. His middle finger remains extended.

King Kong is giving Dino De Laurentiis the bird.

The set erupts in cheers and shouts and laughter. I eat my cream filled Kong donut as Kong stares down, paralyzed. He passed his audition, barely… People clap, and so does De Laurentiis. With a cigar in his mouth, Dino flips the bird at his creation. He smiles as he exhales a plume of tobacco toward his leading man. This is the moment it’s become clear that the King Kong remake would become a mega-hit. This time it stars Jessica Lange in her first film role, along with Jeff Bridges. The film is released at the end of this year. I can feel it, all this hard work is culminated in this magical moment.

As fate would have it, after the exchange of gestures, everything is green-lighted to move to the backlot. The largest scenes yet remain to be filmed. Kong stands proudly with his finger extended over the Italy assembly area, I see everyone laughing and celebrating by smoking. The only one not smoking is me and Kong.

As the thrill of victory wears off, Dino leaves in a cloud of dust, excited as Dr. Frankenstein when his monster came to life before his eyes.

Kong stays in the same position, not contorting even for a moment to wave farewell. It turns out, this demo was like test driving a used car. Our hero has a hydraulic leak in the miles of rubber hose inside. This leak has depleted our star of the life blood. It’s needed to pump his massive joints. He’s not broken, just leaking oil. like some old used car.

Don’t worry-I’m hiding behind stacks of rubber Kong hydraulic tubing sitting on a sea of pallets…

Kong will maintain this posture until the leaking section is identified. It needs to be replaced. I’m not sure if Dino caught wind that Kong’s hand is stuck after he left the test range…

As we say in Little Italy…cambio olio -sprigati, sprigati, –Ti stiamo aspettando!

Welcome to Hollywood fellas, Winchell’s donuts is across the street, you still got a lot of work to do…

I better get out of here, Little Italy needs to cut up more rubber hose, Pronto!