My 17th birthday on the MGM backlot

I’m on that rooftop with Jimmy watching from above this street. It was a balcony for several hilarious street scenes taking place over 48 hours

Beautiful Downtown Burbank is -5th Avenue MGM Lot 2. On the theater marquee, The Maltese Bippie is- now playing.

Tarzan’s Jungle are the trees at the end of the street with a large wall beyond… from 1976 King Kong.

Bette Davis in final scene on the backlot in her cameo “one day” backlot appearance.

My sister is jealous, she digs Bette Davis…

It’s June 13, 1977, my 17th Birthday.

It happens to fall on a Saturday. To celebrate, we will be visiting the MGM backlot. 24 hours earlier, there was a lot of activity here, on almost every set. Production types-artists-prop makers- set decorators-are preparing for something. It’s not the typical preliminary protocol that large shows follow, whatever this is, it seems relatively small in size. A wind machine with a giant wooden fan blade is unloaded off a stake bed truck with NBC painted on the sides. Jimmy and I look downward at the New York Street ball field from a rooftop. The giant fan casts an eerie shadow as the blade tries turning itself without electrical power in the soft summer breeze. The truck drives away, mission completed.

There is also activity in Verona Square, where a cart full of delicious looking rubber fruit in all shapes and sizes is parked tantalizing us. A Rolls Royce convertible is parked with a security guard sitting alongside. Some lighting equipment also says NBC on it-another clue...A prop truck is unloading a bathtub and some street signs and a telephone booth.

24 hours later,

Jimmy and I appear up in the church steeple. My birthday wouldn’t be complete without my pal Jimmy and an afternoon on Backlot 2.

All the activity on Friday gave us an inclination filming will be happening Monday since filming rarely-if ever takes place on Saturday. But as we look over the lot from one of its highest vantage points, we are stunned to see several splinter units prepping locations. Every street is in the process of being used for something involving this network television show.

We look outward from our steeple and watch as a kid’s tricycle is being ridden by a man wearing yellow rain gear. Arte Johnson usually rides this but today a stuntman is riding through a minefield located in front of the silver clad King Kong set that still partially remains. The sounds of tiny explosions fill the air as four mines go off, the last one is a direct hit– knocking our yellow slickered cyclist face down into the dirt. We surmise this must be “Laugh In.” That scene is finished and this unit moves toward their next skit, which happens to be in the village our church steeple is located in.

Robin Williams rehearses below…he knocks on a corner door and a lady answers. “Hello”, he says, “I’m taking a poll on people’s opinions, –is there too much violence on T.V.?” She pauses, then responds “Wait here Sonny Boy” She gently shuts the door as a large explosion detonates exactly where Robin… was just standing.

We’ve been here an hour and are already having a blast…literally! What a surprise birthday gift MGM is treating me to already. I wonder if -Judy, Mickey, Debbie, Liz and Roddy ever had a party like this on their birthdays in this enchanted playground. This studio is magical…Abracadabra everybody!

The Rolls Royce we saw yesterday is driving all over the backlot with a lady inside we make out to be-Bette Davis. This car is driving down every street, sometimes with a camera in the car and other times being filmed just passing through this heavily ravaged backlot. Since Kong finished filming, this backlot has been left unattended, just waiting on its destiny. This comedy could be the last thing ever filmed here, for all we know.

As Bette drives down what used to be Maple Street, she points to the burned down church and makes reference to “beautiful downtown Burbank.” Next this car gets filmed passing by Verona Square and behind Bette Davis is a wall with my “alias” name on it…A guard wrote John Orden here years ago, his way of letting me know he’s on to me.

Now this wall is going to be on T.V.  Another name was painted near here by scenic artists a long time ago… Rudolph Valentino shares this same wall with John Orden. I never expected Bette Davis to be filming a scene in front of this message delivered to me by MGM Security. Too bad it didn’t say “Happy Birthday” or “Catch ya later.”

New York Street has the bulk of activity. We journey across the lot to the Big Apple. I have never witnessed filming being done in this fragmented manner; it’s how I imagine The Little Rascals would be filmed. As we arrive on 5th Avenue, we enter the largest standing set on the backlot. It’s the Theater District from The Bandwagon, but the show on the marquee today says “The Maltese Bippy.” This was a movie with Rowan and Martin and a Miss Julie Newmar aka Catwoman. My first crush after Miss Peters, my first-grade teacher. Meow.

Miss Julie Newmar “The Maltese Bippie” Call me…

A shot is being set up as the crew stands outside on the sidewalk, as we slowly drift around inside the theater, peering out through doorways and windows. One window is just right, a camera is set up directly in front-facing in. As we peek outside from inside, everyone is looking our way. We wonder what the scene will be…

Positioned behind a window frame, like some amusement park mirror, we stare out as crew stares in. We keep an angle as to not be seen… a countdown is taking place. All the people involved are behind the camera. We are in front of it, tucked just out of view. We decipher as the numbers being shouted out get smaller, we are in a pyro blast zone. We see wires running along the cement floor to this window with the realization that the shot taking place will involve an explosion. We also realize we are dead center of this about to be exploding window.

Three, two-RUN...As one is counted, we are in full retreat. ACTION is a signal to detonate this charge we were just standing next to… BAM!

A large orange flash is followed by a plume of white smoke that at this moment seems as if it’s chasing us. OOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIT! We disappear in a cloud of smoke but reappear where our baseball field is… smoke trickles out over home plate. We hear applause and laughter on the opposite side where we were just at-they got their shot. Jimmy and I take deep breaths as we exchange a long silent look towards each other. Jimmy, in his best Sundance Kid imitation taunts, “Think you used enough dynamite there Butch?” Little do they realize-how close a call that scene just was. “Let’s go back to my house for some Birthday Cake, my mom has a party planned-Let’s go celebrate making it to 17 in one piece”…

We return home for cake and Hawaiian Punch, to a table that has seen every Birthday I’ve ever had. This particular party (pictured in 1967) was a Batman theme, I have on a Batman T-shirt as I blow out my candles-Jimmy waits anxiously alongside.

Cake is served and the 17 flaming candles are nothing compared to the explosion we dodged…just minutes ago.

Quickly this tiny celebration becomes an afterthought, as the adults in the room become infatuated with my mom’s ability to foretell their futures by reading the tea leaves in the bottom of their cups. Luckily, I don’t drink tea because I’m sure my cup would tell- very strange tales! My cup readings would lead to enormous anxiety, I spare dear old mom. “Just be careful Donnie” is said by her and resonates in my brain with meaning she may never really know the depth of….

As my mom tells fortunes, Jimmy and I disappear – like some Black Magic spell. We return to the set for more fun and games. Through a Hole in the Fence on Montana Avenue, we reappear…

The lot is how we left it-comedy skits are being conjured up fast and furiously. The cast looks like a bunch of Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves...I just left my own 17th Birthday Party at my house for a star-studded party on Lot 2.

My mom didn’t have the budget NBC is spending this weekend on my backlot. The good thing is-this will be on television, so my mom and I can watch it together. She will understand then why we hastily left the family behind, plus she loves Rowan and Martin.

As we make our way toward Brownstone Street, we have to make decisions on what splinter set is next up. This is like my GAF View Master, just click the trigger and a new set with filming appears.

A bathtub is set up in the alley way, as a man bathes, a makeshift bathroom wall collapses, and an alley full of women looks on in embarrassment. On the sidewalk in front of the Brownstone tenements, a lady is taking a brisk walk as men whistle approvingly and bang garbage can lids together- it’s then her dress gets ripped off and flies away, thanks to fishing lines and a tear away clothing. Hmmm… Happy Birthday to me! This is funnier than any stuff going on at my house’s Birthday Party. A man in a Gorilla costume rides around New York Street and waves to us.

A farewell to the legendary Bette Davis is taking place as her day is completed on a backlot she never filmed on before in her career. So, this is what happened to Baby Jane. She is given a Star Salute from the cast and crew of this series.

Jimmy and I got back to the set just in time for this farewell, as the smoke from my Birthday candles is still in the air in my dining room, and while my mom reads tea leaf futures- a block away from this Hollywood farewell. Once again, all my candle wishes come true.

Even better, as the sun begins to set on the Brownstones, an advance call sheet has the backlot active on Sunday.

Sunday is here;

Yes, it is, and being 17 is off to an awesome start. I figured 16 would be hard to beat with King Kong and all those adventures. But this legendary T.V. remake may just be the harbinger of things to come on my old but very functional backlot.

Day 2 of being 17 begins by climbing in at Grand Central Station, Jimmy returns alongside, we’re like Rowan and Martin-as teenagers. We walk our sets confidently, not knowing what to expect today. The rubber fruit cart will be featured in Verona Square, and it’s parked under an alley archway. We head over by Kong’s walls and check out the pyro packs used yesterday in the tricycle detonations with the rain coat guy. They are still here as is one blackened tricycle. We examine the explosive pouches that are like oversized caps for a cap gun-that has wiring attached, that’s how they detonate on command. We find this most interesting, especially since we almost blew up yesterday. We relive yesterday as a new day begins…

We cross the narrow wooden footbridge, stopping to look at the creatures below the surface glistening in the morning sun. Crawdads raise their claws above the water line as we say our good mornings to each other. Bullfrogs position themselves for some morning sun. Orange carp frolic below reacting to abrupt shadows…this is how the lake in Tarzan’s jungle wakes up every day. Two swan can be seen above the deeper section of this man-made lake that doesn’t seem man-made at all. Nature doesn’t think so anyway…

Everyone is gathered around New York Street finishing breakfast as we survey the set, first ground level, then from a rooftop five stories above the New York Street named 5th Avenue. A motorcycle with a sidecar is receiving attention by mechanics at one end of the street, while close to us- a stunt person dressed like a nun and a small person who is supposed to be a kid take on instructions. The motorcycle is about 50 yards away from a newly painted crosswalk where our actors are receiving direction.

Jimmy and I sit perched like a couple of owls looking down with our infinite wisdom, we begin putting two and two together as the scenes about to take place are being heavily discussed below us. Risk factors in with motorized machinery and actors crossing each other’s path. We are 5 stories up and no one knows we’re up here, we also take risks.

The higher up we are, the less likely we are to accidentally become involved in the scene, like yesterday’s near fiasco.

We have the best angle you could have on this scene; I’m surprised there is not a camera set on the roof. The motorcycle and sidecar begin to practice speeding down 5th Avenue. The crosswalk has been painted in front of the movie marquee and adjacent to the exploding window we experienced yesterday.

This motorbike sidecar contraption has been modified to separate from the motorcycle itself but maintain control with its own hidden steering wheel. After several test splits, the bike gets reunited with its passenger car for the- Real Take.

Enter the costumed Nun and the schoolboy. “Gentlemen, start your engine, actors take your places!”

Two teenage heads extend beyond the rooftop just above the intersection from hell. We have a bird’s eye view on whatever happens next.

Three, Two, One…ACTION!

The motorbike races towards us and the two actors below. As this bike gains speed, the nun and boy are dead center of their crosswalk. This bike is not stopping as the actors freeze up like deer in the headlights.

The motorcycle and sidecar separates into two right in the nick of time and just misses the actors who are left spinning like whirling dervishes. The sidecar speeds by on one side and the motor bike speeds on the other of our boxed in cross walkers. The sidecar- after a bit of difficulty comes to a safe stop directly below us and reunites with its engine.

They got this difficult shot right on one take after several rehearsals, practice makes perfect in a world involving Stunts Unlimited. Meanwhile Jimmy and I chalk up yet another memory that you will never see again, except on NBC Network T.V. We find it amazing to see filming in all its three-dimensional glory, but in a month or so we will see an instant replay of this day on my TV’s single dimension. Plus, all the risks that are taking place before our eyes will be forgotten afterthoughts…we soak it all in-like the sunshine bearing down on us.

We watch a few balcony comic skits on Brownstone as the company begins striking materials. This weekend is coming to a conclusion. As Jimmy and I traverse across the backlot towards home, we see the property department loading up their props. As we get to our final backlot destination, Verona Square, we run into that fruit cart. We realize all the props are getting picked up, so we push this fully loaded cart inside a double doorway to conceal it as we shut the doors behind it.

Our hope is, it’s forgotten here in Culver City, 21 miles from Beautiful Downtown Burbank.

Our return the next day finds a production less backlot- it’s Monday… Summertime. Today several of my friends join me as I give them a tour of what they missed. What was here yesterday is all kaput today. It’s like I’m just spinning wild tall tales with no substance until-I open up the double doors and out rolls a fruit cart. Not much is said, the looks on everyone’s faces is all that’s needed. The fruit looks as real as some fancy farmers market, but it’s rubber. They feel like baseballs, naturally they become baseballs as a fruit fight begins in Verona Square.

May the best arm win- and we have several. Fruit is flying everywhere, through windows, from balconies, and rooftops. It’s a melee. Danny chases me in a doorway and the floor platform caves in and I fall into a rotted stairwell on to a bed of eucalyptus leaves. This battle is taking place in the former Romeo and Juliet sets and would make for some great skits…NBC should send over a camera crew…ASAP. This is as good as the stuff they were filming. Today was an unscheduled Day 3 of a birthday that just won’t end… “Duck! Here comes a flying pear!”

The Bananas pictured here still exist in my backyard jungle set. This large bundle of Bananas was carried home by yours truly from the Laugh-In set. Some kids carry school books, I carry props.

We relocated a fruit cart exactly like this one into a facade. The show couldn’t find it and left it for us. This happens to be exactly where we hijacked ours. This one pictured is from the T.V. series” Jericho

Rest in Peace Ronnie Schell. Meeting you and going to the former Desilu with you was a highlight in my life. With deep respect.

Written and lived by Donnie Norden